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Getting Old Sucks

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Minuteman, Apr 9, 2007.

  1. Minuteman

    Minuteman Chaplain Moderator Founding Member

    <TT>A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.</TT>
    <TT>Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. “You want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.</TT>
    <TT>"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" "Sure."<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comhttp://survivalmonkey.com/forum/ />[/COLOR]</TT>
    [COLOR=/>[/COLOR]<TT><font color=" /></TT>

    </PRE><TT>[COLOR=black]"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks. “No, I can remember it."[/COLOR]</TT>
    <TT>[COLOR=black]"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?"</TT>[/COLOR]

    <TT>[COLOR=black]He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."</TT>[/COLOR]

    <TT>[COLOR=black]"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down."</TT>[/COLOR]

    <TT>[COLOR=black]Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!"</TT>[/COLOR]

    <TT>[COLOR=black]Then he toddles into the kitchen. After 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.</TT>[/COLOR]

    <TT>[COLOR=black]She stares at the plate for a moment.</TT>[/COLOR]
    <TT>[COLOR=black]“I told you you would forget.”</TT>[/COLOR]
    <TT>[COLOR=black]"Where's my toast?"</TT>[/COLOR]



    [COLOR=black][COLOR=black]<TT>[COLOR=black] A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:[/COLOR]</TT>
    <TT>[COLOR=black] "So I hear you're getting married?"[/COLOR]</TT>

    <TT>[COLOR=black]"Do I know her?"[/COLOR]</TT>

    <TT>[COLOR=black] "Nope!"[/COLOR]</TT>

    <TT>[COLOR=black]"This woman, is she good looking?"[/COLOR]</TT>

    <TT>[COLOR=black] "Not really."[/COLOR]</TT>

    <TT>[COLOR=black] "Is she a good cook?"[/COLOR]</TT>

    <TT>[COLOR=black]"Naw, she can't cook too well."[/COLOR]</TT>

    [COLOR=black][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]<TT>[COLOR=black]<TT>[COLOR=black]"Does she have lots of money?"[/COLOR]</TT>

    <TT>[COLOR=black]"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."[/COLOR]</TT>

    <TT>[COLOR=black]"Well, then, is she good in bed?"[/COLOR]</TT>

    <TT>[COLOR=black]"I don't know."[/COLOR]</TT>

    <TT>[COLOR=black]"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"[/COLOR]</TT>

    <TT>[COLOR=black]"Because she can still drive!"[/COLOR]</TT>


    <TT>[COLOR=black]A 90 year old rich geezer marries a 25 year old woman.[/COLOR]</TT>

    <TT>[COLOR=black]His friend asks him "At your age how do you plan on fulfilling your husbandly duties?"[/COLOR]</TT>

    <TT>[COLOR=black]"Oh, I manage" the geeezer says[/COLOR]</TT>

    <TT>[COLOR=black]"But aren't you worried that all the physical activity might be fatal?"[/COLOR]</TT>

    <TT>[COLOR=black]"Well, if she dies she dies!!"[/COLOR]</TT>


    <TT>[COLOR=black]An old geezer in a wheel chair marries a sweet young thing. A couple of weeks later an old friend comes to visit.[/COLOR]</TT>

    <TT>[COLOR=black]"So" the friend asks "How is married life?"[/COLOR]</TT>

    <TT>[COLOR=black]"Great!" says the geezer[/COLOR]</TT>

    <TT>[COLOR=black]His friend says "I have to ask, how do you mange to consumate your marriage with you in a wheel chair and all?"[/COLOR]</TT>

    <TT>[COLOR=black]The geezers says "Oh. It's no problem. You know my three boys?"[/COLOR]</TT>

    <TT>[COLOR=black]"Well every night they take turns and one of them comes over and helps me get undressed [/COLOR]</TT><TT>[COLOR=black]and into bed, he helps me get over on top of my wife and then he leaves.[/COLOR]</TT><TT>[COLOR=black]Then I make love to her."[/COLOR]</TT>

    <TT>[COLOR=black]"The next morning all three come over and help me to get off of her, up and dressed."[/COLOR]</TT>

    <TT>[COLOR=black]"How come it only takes one at night, but it takes all three in the morning?"[/COLOR]</TT>
    <TT>[COLOR=black]his friend asks[/COLOR]</TT>

    <TT>[COLOR=black]" I fight them SOB's!!!!!!!!!!!!"[/COLOR]</TT>

    [COLOR=black]<TT>[COLOR=black]Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients [/COLOR]</TT><TT>[COLOR=black]being [/COLOR]</TT><TT>[COLOR=black]discharged.[/COLOR]</TT>

    <TT>[COLOR=black]However, while working as a student nurse, I found one [/COLOR]</TT><TT>[COLOR=black]elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with [/COLOR]</TT><TT>[COLOR=black]a [/COLOR]</TT><TT>[COLOR=black]suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to [/COLOR]</TT><TT>[COLOR=black]leave [/COLOR]</TT><TT>[COLOR=black]the [/COLOR]</TT><TT>[COLOR=black]hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he [/COLOR]</TT><TT>[COLOR=black]reluctantly let [/COLOR]</TT><TT>[COLOR=black]me [/COLOR]</TT><TT>[COLOR=black]wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his [/COLOR]</TT><TT>[COLOR=black]wife [/COLOR]</TT><TT>[COLOR=black]was meeting him"[/COLOR]</TT>

    <TT>[COLOR=black]"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the [/COLOR]</TT>

    <TT>[COLOR=black]bathroom [/COLOR]</TT><TT>[COLOR=black]changing out of her hospital gown."[/COLOR]</TT>
  2. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

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