Good, clean insults

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by ghrit, Nov 21, 2009.


  1. ghrit

    ghrit Ambulatory anachronism Administrator Founding Member

    Wish I could remember some of these for when they are REALLY needed.
    These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

    "He had delusions of adequacy."
    - Walter Kerr

    "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
    - Winston Churchill

    "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
    - Clarence Darrow

    "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
    - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).


    'Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?'
    - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

    "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
    - Moses Hadas

    "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
    - Mark Twain

    "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
    - Oscar Wilde

    "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one."
    - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill



    "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."
    - Winston Churchill, in response..

    "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
    - Stephen Bishop

    "He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
    - John Bright

    "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
    - Irvin S. Cobb

    "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
    - Samuel Johnson

    "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
    - Paul Keating

    "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
    - Charles, Count Talleyrand

    "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.."
    - Forrest Tucker

    "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
    - Mark Twain

    "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
    - Mae West

    "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
    - Oscar Wilde

    "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination."
    - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

    "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
    - Groucho Marx

    'There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure.'
    - Jack E. Leonard

    'He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.'
    - Robert Redford

    'They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.'
    - Thomas Brackett Reed

    'He has Van Gogh's ear for music.'
    - Billy Wilder

    'He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.'
    - Abraham Lincoln

    'A modest little person, with much to be modest about. '
    - Winston Churchill

    The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
    She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."
    He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

    A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
    "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

    "If you have nothing good to say about anyone, come sit next to me."
    - Alice Roosevelt Longworth (daughter of Teddy Roosevelt)

    "I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top."
    - English Professor, Ohio University
     
  2. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

    [applaud]
    Nice.
     
  3. kckndrgn

    kckndrgn Moderator Moderator Founding Member

    very nice, thanks for posting!
     
survivalmonkey SSL seal        survivalmonkey.com warrant canary
17282WuJHksJ9798f34razfKbPATqTq9E7