Great Minds Speak on the French...

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by CRC, Sep 11, 2006.

  1. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    "France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes."
    -Mark Twain

    "I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me."
    - General George S. Patton

    "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion."
    -Norman Schwartzkopf

    "We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it."
    -Marge Simpson

    "As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure"
    -Jacques Chirac, President of France

    "As far as France is concerned, you're right."
    -Rush Limbaugh,

    "The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee."
    -Regis Philbin

    "The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know."
    -P.J O'Rourke (1989)

    "You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it."
    -John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona

    "You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He IS French, people."
    -Conan O'Brien

    "I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France!"
    -Jay Leno

    "The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag."
    -David Letterman

    "The heaviest cross I had to bear was the Cross of Lorraine"
    -Winston Churchill

    "Next time there's a war in Europe, the loser has to keep France!"
    -David Blackman
  2. Minuteman

    Minuteman Chaplain Moderator Founding Member

    US Passports in France

    US Passports in France

    This one 'says it all', about the basic philosophy of our country, and how
    we are received around the world.

    At a French airport. . .

    A group of American retired teachers recently went to France on a tour.
    Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, was part of the tour group.

    At French Customs, he took a few minutes locating his passport in his
    carry-on bag.

    "You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked
    sarcastically. Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.
    "Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."

    The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

    "Impossible!" barked the officer. "Americans always have to show your
    passports on arrival in France."

    The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly
    explained. "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44 to help
    liberate this country, I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to."<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:eek:ffice:eek:ffice" />

  3. TailorMadeHell

    TailorMadeHell Lurking Shadow Creature

    That's just too funny. Nothing I like better than poking fun at the surrender-monkeys that call themselves the French. They are just biding their time until their next conquering, then they'll grovel for all kinds of help and if that help doesn't come they will do nothing more than whine like they do now.
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