A Texas Panhandle rancher and his wife were bickering on Valentine's Day. They were hardly speaking to each other, even after being seated in a fancy French restaurant for dinner. When the waiter arrived the rancher said, "I'll have a big, thick porterhouse steak." With a concerned look on his face the waiter said, "Monsieur ... what about ze mad cow?" To which the rancher replied, "She'll have a salad." Happy Valentine's Day!!!
don't y'all yell at me next time I post a light hearted joke making fun of guys...... don't you dare! which could be in the very near future....
"Who can tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?" Nobody raises a hand, so he calls on the first student to look his way. "Mary, can you tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?" Mary stands up, blushing furiously. "Sir, how dare you ask such a question?" she says. "I'm going to complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal, who will have you fired!" Mr. Sampson is shocked by Mary's reaction, but undaunted. He asks the class the question again, and this time Sam raises his hand. "Yes, Sam?" says Mr. Sampson. "Sir, the correct answer is the iris of the human eye." "Very good, Sam. Thank you." Mr. Sampson then turns to Mary and says, "Mary, I have 3 things to tell you: First, it's clear that you have NOT done your homework. Second, you have a DIRTY mind. And third, I fear one day you are going to be sadly disappointed."
A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath. "Mom," he asked, "are these my brains?" "Not yet," she replied.
Oh, how I wish this weren't a True Story Speaking of blondes... I used to work with this girl who was rather ditzy (and blonde). One morning, she came in to the office wearing a pair of glasses. "Sweetie", (I'll call her) "I didn't know you needed glasses." "Oh, I don't." She said as she stuck her finger through the frame, where a lense should be. "I'm just wearing these because they make me look smarter." "Oh. They look great. But won't you give yourself away when you start talking?" She just giggled and went on her merry way. Later in the day, she commented that not only did they make her look smarter, but that she thought that they actually made her smarter while she was wearing them. "Well then, you'd best get another pair." She wore her new found "intelligence" for as long as she worked there.
An acquaintance of mine here...an artist , musician, massage therapist...fluent in 3 languages...homes on 2 continents.....poet.....3 degrees... SHE said and did the same thing.... Wore fake glasses...said they made her feel smarter.... I wear them to see. Silly me. and ghrit? I didn't mean you and the blonde joke... I'm not up to taking that file on right now....not just yet....
