Happy (?!?) Valentine's Day!

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Tracy, Feb 14, 2006.


  1. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

    A Texas Panhandle rancher and his wife were bickering on Valentine's Day. They were hardly speaking to each other, even after being seated in a fancy French restaurant for dinner.

    When the waiter arrived the rancher said, "I'll have a big, thick porterhouse steak."

    With a concerned look on his face the waiter said, "Monsieur ... what about ze mad cow?"

    To which the rancher replied, "She'll have a salad."


    [hrt]:love:[hrt]Happy Valentine's Day!!!
     
  2. E.L.

    E.L. Moderator of Lead Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    :lol:[beat]
     
  3. monkeyman

    monkeyman Monkey+++ Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    b:: [ROFL] :lol: [elim] [beat]
     
  4. ColtCarbine

    ColtCarbine Monkey+++ Founding Member

  5. ghostrider

    ghostrider Resident Poltergeist Founding Member

    :lol:
     
  6. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    don't y'all yell at me next time I post a light hearted joke making fun of guys......


    don't you dare!

    :unsure:




    :D ;)









    which could be in the very near future.... ;)
     
  7. Conagher

    Conagher Dark Custom Rider Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    :D :lol: [beer] b::
     
  8. ghostrider

    ghostrider Resident Poltergeist Founding Member

    :eek: US!! We'ld NEVER DO THAT.


    I don't think you'll do it.
     
  9. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member


    "Who can tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"

    Nobody raises a hand, so he calls on the first student to look his way.

    "Mary, can you tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"

    Mary stands up, blushing furiously. "Sir, how dare you ask such a question?" she says. "I'm going to complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal, who will have you fired!"

    Mr. Sampson is shocked by Mary's reaction, but undaunted. He asks the class the question again, and this time Sam raises his hand. "Yes, Sam?" says Mr. Sampson.

    "Sir, the correct answer is the iris of the human eye."

    "Very good, Sam. Thank you." Mr. Sampson then turns to Mary and says, "Mary, I have 3 things to tell you: First, it's clear that you have NOT done your homework. Second, you have a DIRTY mind. And third, I fear one day you are going to be sadly disappointed."





    [raspberry]
     
  10. monkeyman

    monkeyman Monkey+++ Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    [ROFL]
     
  11. ColtCarbine

    ColtCarbine Monkey+++ Founding Member

  12. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member



    A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.
    "Mom," he asked, "are these my brains?"

    "Not yet," she replied.







    :unsure:
     
  13. ghostrider

    ghostrider Resident Poltergeist Founding Member

  14. ghrit

    ghrit Old, mean, and nasty Administrator Founding Member

    Not. [troll]
     
  15. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member



    Nope...I've seen much beter.... [angel]



    C'mon...I have faith in you...You can do better than that....... [raspberry]
     
  16. ghrit

    ghrit Old, mean, and nasty Administrator Founding Member

    G'litely swee-taht. I have a monster file uvvem, saved specially fer speshul occasions -- [troll]
     
  17. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

    Oh, how I wish this weren't a True Story

    Speaking of blondes...

    I used to work with this girl who was rather ditzy (and blonde). One morning, she came in to the office wearing a pair of glasses.

    "Sweetie", (I'll call her) "I didn't know you needed glasses."

    "Oh, I don't." She said as she stuck her finger through the frame, where a lense should be. "I'm just wearing these because they make me look smarter."

    :shock: "Oh. They look great. But won't you give yourself away when you start talking?"

    She just giggled and went on her merry way. Later in the day, she commented that not only did they make her look smarter, but that she thought that they actually made her smarter while she was wearing them.

    :shock: "Well then, you'd best get another pair."


    She wore her new found "intelligence" for as long as she worked there. :rolleyes:
     
  18. ghrit

    ghrit Old, mean, and nasty Administrator Founding Member

    You reckon she votes? Worrisome thought -- :lol:
     
  19. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    An acquaintance of mine here...an artist , musician, massage therapist...fluent in 3 languages...homes on 2 continents.....poet.....3 degrees...

    SHE said and did the same thing....

    Wore fake glasses...said they made her feel smarter....

    I wear them to see.

    Silly me.




    and ghrit?

    I didn't mean you and the blonde joke...

    I'm not up to taking that file on right now....not just yet....
     
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