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HELPFUL CAMPING TIPS:

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by ghostrider, Mar 12, 2006.


  1. ghostrider

    ghostrider Resident Poltergeist Founding Member

    HELPFUL CAMPING TIPS:

    * When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant.
    * Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking his favorite stump apart and eating all the ants.
    * Old socks can be made into high fiber beef jerky by smoking them over an open fire.
    * When smoking a fish, never inhale.
    * A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes.
    * You'll never be awakened by the call of a loon if you have an unlisted number.
    * The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain ranges. Steer clear of those named for landfills.
    * Acupuncture was invented by a camper who found a porcupine in his sleeping bag.
    * While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years, the Swiss Navy Knife has remained largely unheralded. Its single blade functions as a tiny canoe paddle.
    * Modern rain suits made of fabrics that "breathe" enable hunters to stay dry in a downpour. Rain suits that sneeze, cough, and belch, however, have been proven to add absolutely nothing to the wilderness experience.
    * Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter. Warning: Remove lint from navel before applying the match.
    * You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll by climbing into a plastic garbage bag with several live geese.
    * When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives you something to wipe your nose on.
    * You can compress the diameter of your rolled up sleeping bag by running over it with your car.
    * A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.
    * A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent side dish. A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent hockey puck.
    * It's entirely possible to spend your whole vacation on a winding mountain road behind a large motor home.
    * Bear bells provide an element of safety for hikers in grizzly country. The tricky part is getting them on the bears.
    * A great deal of hostility can be released by using newspaper photos of politicians for toilet paper.
    * In an emergency, a drawstring from a parka hood can be used to strangle a snoring tent mate.



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  2. Quigley_Sharps

    Quigley_Sharps The Badministrator Administrator Founding Member

    :lol:
     
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