How early is TOO early to start drinking on Christmas eve? Between the kids, the animals, and the combined heat of a hot wood stove and an oven pumpin out pies, roasts, and other holiday goodies, I needed a cold stiff drink. I opted with the tall glass of a 50/50 mix of burbon and ginger ale. As I get to the bottom of these things, I am understanding the whole Christmas cheer thing!! I dunno, lemmie get to the bottom of a couple more and I will gain the mental clarity needed to answer two questions, does it make me an alcoholic to have my first drink at 11:30am and is it assault to duct tape a mother in law's mouth closed with official holiday red and green duck tape? My wife said when the popper thingy goes up on the turkey we can switch to shots. Grandma and grandpa are playing beer pong in the basement and listening to jimmy hendrix christmas music. The kids are sufficiently sugared up and running around the tree screaming at the pile of presents at the bottom. Of course they knocked the train off the tracks so it is just laying on it's side chugging along with the headlamp illuminating a line in the carpet. I dont give a ****, yeah, I said it. I DONT F****N CARE!! Let the train wear a hole in the carpet, what the hell do I care. Mother in law bitchin about me buying a pink red ryder BB gun for the 5 year old. Whah, whah, whah......first thing I am going to do is buy a dozen targets shaped like a hogs ass and teach my 5 year old how to use that thing and then turn her loose on ole granny (she HATES being called granny......the mother in law, not the 5 year old). I spent the morning wrapping more freekin presents than I KNOW my curtain climbers deserve. Is it possible to get carp in yer tunnel from wrappin presents? Ya know, the more I sit here and listen to the old hags yap run from the other side of the f***** house, I think it is time to test that duct tape. Merry Christmas you monkey bastards! I hope it is a great one for ya!!