HOW TO TELL IF YOU'VE BEEN ABDUCTED

Discussion in 'Tin Foil Hat Lounge' started by ghostrider, Jul 9, 2006.


  1. ghostrider

    ghostrider Resident Poltergeist Founding Member

    HOW TO TELL IF YOU'VE BEEN ABDUCTED BY ALIENS


    By NICK JEFFREYS
    Roswell, N.M.

    MOST people have been abducted by aliens, say some UFO experts -- so odds are you're one of them.

    "Extraterrestrials possess the ability to wipe human memory clean," said Dr. J. Albert Longneck, a UFO investigator from Houston, Texas. "You could be kidnapped once or twice a week and you wouldn't remember a thing."

    But there are detectable signs that you've been taken aboard a spacecraft and examined, according to Dr. Longneck. Here is a revealing excerpt from his upcoming book Did I Forget I Was Kidnapped By Aliens?

    •You're drunk a lot -- Aliens take advantage of boozers because they're used to forgetting huge blocks of time and some really embarrassing stuff, said Dr. Longneck. ETs appreciate drunks because they don't have to waste their memory- wiper ammunition, which is expensive. They pick up a lot of people stumbling out of bars.
    •You are mentally ill -- No one believes a psycho when he says he was in a space ship. Extraterrestrials take advantage of that fact by lurking around insane asylums and psychiatrist offices.
    •You find a lot of puncture marks in your arms and you can't remember injecting yourself -- "These are from routine alien blood tests," said the expert.
    •During an X-ray, your doctor discovers you are missing an internal organ you know you were born with -- "A lot of times aliens take out spleens, a lung, a kidney, an appendix so they can examine them closely," explained Dr. Longneck. Despite their advanced intellect, sometimes they simply forget to put them back.
    •You wake up and can't remember everyday things like your name, the year, your address, your spouse's name, etc. -- "The alien scientists have sliced out a vital part of your brain," said Dr. Longneck.
    •You cut yourself and your blood is green -- "This is when they've accidentally sucked out too much of your blood and had to give you a blood transfusion from their own blood bank," explained the expert.
    •You suddenly find yourself in a foreign country thousands of miles from where you live -- "Aliens have a very bad sense of direction and can't read maps worth a damn," said Dr. Longneck. "They'll circle around the globe a lot, then get disgusted and just give their human abductees the boot when it's dinnertime -- alien wives are not very understanding."
    •You look in the mirror and see that your nose is suddenly smaller -- "Many extraterrestrials are interested in plastic surgery techniques and will try them out on their captives," said Dr. Longneck.
    •You develop an irrational fear of going to the doctor when it's never bothered you before -- "Your subconscious is telling you you've been poked, prodded, injected and probed enough," said Dr. Longneck.
    •You suddenly discover you are missing a limb -- "You know you started out the day with two arms and two legs, and yet, when it's time to go to bed, one is missing," said Dr. Longneck. "This is an indication they have kept one of your limbs for dissection purposes."
     
  2. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    That's ALIEN ABDUCTION???


    Damn...I thought they were just "time warps" caused by alcohol...


    I feel so stupid now.... :oops:




    tip toeing out...
     
  3. TailorMadeHell

    TailorMadeHell Lurking Shadow Creature

    People said I should go see a psychiatrist and now I know why. They want the aliens to kidnap me. Haha.
     
  4. Wild Trapper

    Wild Trapper Pirate Biker

    Help! I've been abducted by the nice folks at the local VA hospital.
     
  5. TailorMadeHell

    TailorMadeHell Lurking Shadow Creature

    Wild Trapper, I'm here to help. I suggest in order to get out of there, disguise yourself as a laptop and someone will be along shortly to 'liberate' you. :D
     
  6. Wild Trapper

    Wild Trapper Pirate Biker

    hehehe, yeah, I worry about that sometimes.:D
     
  7. ghostrider

    ghostrider Resident Poltergeist Founding Member

    That probably means you've already been abducted and returned. :eek:
     
  8. TailorMadeHell

    TailorMadeHell Lurking Shadow Creature

    That tends to happen to me a lot. If I get abducted, they usually return me very quickly. :D
     
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