To say the least things with Mrs Krap have kept the world here a real crazy place for a while now. She had the Big Surgery that was scheduled for 8 hours and ended up taking 14.5 hours. She spent 2 weeks in the hospital post surgery. A week in the ICU and another week in a regular Room, She has been home a little over a week now. Basically the surgeon removed 1/2 of her pancreas, the lymph nodes, a section of a big vein the cancer had grown around and in to, part of the bile duct, a foot or so of small intestine and basically just kept cutting until tissue did not test positive for cancer cells. And in 3 weeks she gets to restart Chemo for 3-4 more sessions as insurance that all of the cancer cells are hopefully dead....... and she can lose what little hair she has left This whole cancer adventure has been real hard on her. I really hope we are on the upswing and that it is cured. Damned hard on myself as well with lots of waiting, watching, worrying, and the inevitable mind going to dark places and wondering. We have been together since 1998 first as business partners and as a married couple since 2010. Sadly I can imagine life without her around and have often..... and just don't like the whole idea of it. I just don't have much to say on any forum now days. LOL I am kind of in a real dark place half the time and in a real bright spot half the time..... like a yoyo going up and down. NO NOT BI POLAR LOL just the extreme ups and downs of the situation at hand. I am far more likely to grab the camera and make a video and upload it to youtube than I am to sit down and actually type anything. LOL and I say very little in the videos. Here is my YouTube channel if anyone is interested, I just do raw unedited videos and have no interest in promoting or monetizing the channel. https://www.youtube.com/@BigDaddyKrapper/videos
Try not to be too hard on yourself as you are definitely handling this crisis better than most of us would. Hell, numerous times, more so as I age, I look at my wife of 20+ years and think, "God, whatever comes, take what you will, just leave me her." She has made this entire adventure worth it all, saved me from myself, made me a better person and chased the demons away. So, I get it, and it's not being weak or emotional or even selfish. She's part of you as you are part of her. And, try to understand, that you are winning so push the dark thoughts away, don't let them rot you, not only for her but for you, stay in the now and keep punching. Hang in there, brother. God bless you both.
Please don't feel guilty or bad about imagining a worst case scenario. Doing so is a built-in defense mechanism we all have, and we all have done it in some form. It's like creating a shock absorbing buffer for your personal mental and physical health. That way you can handle the here-and-now situation with Mrs.Kamp Krap even more successfully. Prayers and Good Vibes sent!
Thanks for sharing your ordeal. It's probably not fair to say I know how you feel 'cause we're all a bit different but I lost my wife of 40 years and thought it was the end of the world. Well, it was, in a way, but I moved on and found someone else to share my life with. My first wife and the gal I'm with now both remind me of the Bill Withers song, Lovely Day, in which he wakes up with something heavy on his mind but looks at his wife and knows the world is all right again. I hope you and Mrs. Kamp are together for another 20 years. And another 20 after that!
Wishing you both the very best, my friend. The "Big C" is never easy to go through, or watch a loved one go through. Keep yourself going, as the Mrs will definitely need to lean on you for a while more. Here's looking forward to the both of you looking back on this whole "adventure"!!
