I retired from my job today...

After staying late at work tonight, I was on my way out the door when I noticed the boss frantically trying to get the Paper Shredder to work. Of course I asked him if he needed some help.

"Son, these are very sensitive, private documents; I'd appreciate it if you could get this machine to work!"

As he handed me the papers, I hit the power button on the shredder and ran them through slick as a whistle.

"Son, thanks a bunch. Could I get two copies?"

Therefore, my early "retirement".