If this doesn't cheer you up, nothing will.....

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Seacowboys, Aug 5, 2011.

  1. Seacowboys

    Seacowboys Senior Member Founding Member

    <table style="color:#000000" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0"> <tbody> <tr> <td valign="top">

    If this doesn't cheer you
    up, nothing will.....

    Subj: The Honeymoon is over.

    You know the honeymoon is over when the comedians start.

    The liberals are asking us to give Obama time.
    We agree...and think 25 to life would be appropriate.
    --Jay Leno

    America needs Obama-care like
    Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.
    --Jay Leno

    Q: Have you heard about McDonald's'
    new Obama Value Meal?

    A: Order anything you like
    and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
    --Conan O'Brien

    Q: What does Barack Obama
    call lunch with a convicted felon?
    A: A fund raiser.
    --Jay Leno

    Q: What's the difference between
    Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
    A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers,
    and threats to society.
    The other is for housing prisoners.
    --David Letterman

    Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat
    in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink,
    who would be saved?
    A: America!
    --Jimmy Fallon

    Q: What's the difference between
    Obama and his dog, Bo?
    A: Bo has papers.
    --Jimmy Kimmel

    Q: What was the most positive result of
    the "Cash for Clunkers" program?
    A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper

    stickers off the road.
    --David Letterman


    Solution to the problem in Libya: They want a new Muslim leader, Give them ours.

  2. kckndrgn

    kckndrgn Monkey+++ Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    LOVE IT!!! [beer]
  3. Space Ghost

    Space Ghost Monkey+

  4. beast

    beast backwoodsman

    bo probly makes better use of said papers too....lmfao
  5. chelloveck

    chelloveck Diabolus Causidicus

    I don't usually copy and paste....but

    I can copy and paste with the best of them when presented with a challenge......these quotes are for the closet Democrats at this site who daren't show their colours...and for the Republicans et al...who seem to hold a monopoly here on sniping at their political opponents.

    "Just 10 days until the big Iowa Republican presidential straw poll. How many think Mitt Romney will win the straw poll? How many think Michele Bachmann will win? How many would rather vote for the straw?" –Jay Leno

    "It's interesting to see the Tea Party go from a small group of people that everyone thinks is crazy to a large group of people that everyone thinks is crazy." –Jimmy Kimmel

    "According to a new poll, voters described the way Congress behaved during the debt debate as 'disgusting, stupid, and ridiculous.' They would have also accepted 'gutless and cowardly.'" –David Letterman

    ''Republican candidate Ron Paul came out for the legalization of heroin and prostitution, unfortunately not in time to be cast as Charlie Sheen's replacement on 'Two and a Half Men.''' —Conan O'Brien

    ''According to a poll, over 50 percent of viewers thought Mitt Romney won this week's presidential debate. They thought Mitt Romney won, yeah. Romney credits the win to his grasp of the issues and the good people at Mattel, who built him.'' —Conan O'Brien

    ''Mitt Romney was on the 'Today Show' and admitted he likes to read the 'Twilight' books and watch 'American Idol.' If elected, he would be the 1st Mormon and the 1st 13-year-old girl to be President.'' —Jimmy Kimmel

    ''Michele Bachmann says she will launch her presidential campaign in either Massachusetts or New Hampshire as soon as she figures out which is which. There could be some eligibility problems for her. She has her birth certificate, but nobody can produce her high school diploma.'' —Jay Leno

    ''I think Mitt Romney and Sarah Palin would be the perfect ticket. She can't answer basic questions, and he has two answers for every question.'' —Jay Leno

    ''Some people say Newt Gingrich may have trouble winning over traditional values voters because he has had three marriages. So as a result, the campaign has announced a new slogan, 'Newt Gingrich, so committed to marriage, he can't stop doing it.''' —Conan O'Brien

    ''Ron Paul announced he's running for president. And get this: he supports the legalization of prostitution and heroin. Now, I know he doesn't have much of a chance but if he does win that's going to be one hell of a victory party.'' —Conan O'Brien

    ''Ron Paul is announcing for President tomorrow. He supports legalizing prostitution and heroin. His campaign slogan is 'Let's Just See What Would Happen.''' —Conan O'Brien

    ''Mitt Romney has announced he's running for president in 2012. At the same time, he's announced he'll try again in 2016.'' —Stephen Colbert

    ''Tea Party rebutter Michele Bachmann is under fire for saying the Founding Fathers eliminated slavery. Sarah Palin is very upset. Another female Republican trying to steal the dumbass vote.'' —Jay Leno

    ''Newt Gingrich knows that before he throws his giant hat into the ring, he has to explain his past positions -- specifically, why those positions were so often on top of women who weren't his wife.'' —Stephen Colbert

    ''Right now the Republicans' strongest contender is still Hillary Clinton with a fake mustache.'' —Jon Stewart

    ''Well, the presidential race is getting interesting. In an effort to clear up his reputation as a flip-flopper, Mitt Romney will give a speech on health care. And then, right afterward, he'll give a five-minute rebuttal.'' —Jay Leno

    ''Donald Trump is not running for president. This is devastating news for Trump's supporters -- all of whom are late night comedians.'' —Conan O'Brien

    ''Herman Cain, the former CEO of Godfather's Pizza, announced that he's running for president. And this is cool -- if his campaign isn't over in 30 minutes or less, you get your pizza for free.'' —Jimmy Fallon

    ''In a new interview, Newt Gingrich says he cheated on two of his wives because he was too consumed with love for his country. Yeah, apparently he misunderstood the phrase, 'Please rise for the Pledge of Allegiance.''' —Conan O'Brien

    ''If Bachmann and Palin get in, that's two bimbos. And there there's Mitt Romney, the millionaire and Newt Gingrich, a professor. We just need a skipper and a buddy and we've got 'Gilligan's Island.''' —Bill Maher

    ''Michele Bachmann said Planned Parenthood is the Lenscrafters of Big Abortion.' Which is a realy double-whammy because the conservatives hate Planned Parenthood and they hate Lenscrafters, because Lenscrafters makes glasses, and that could lead to reading.'' —Bill Maher

    ''Have you seen these Republican presidential candidates? I bet Obama is sorry now that he spent all that money on the new birth certificate.'' —David Letterman

    ''Newt Gingrich said he's afraid America will become an atheist country dominated by radical Islamists. Right. Our big problem could be religious atheists, almost as bad as pacifist warmongers. If they hook up with the communist capitalists we're screwed.'' —Jay Leno

    ''There are rumors that Sarah Palin will run for president. It's a big decision. On one hand, running for president is a long and grueling process that goes on for months and years. But she could just quit halfway through, right?'' —Jimmy Kimmel

    ''Most of Newt Gingrich's campaign staff quit on the same day, and some people are blaming Newt's third wife. When asked about it, Newt said, 'I'll win them back with my fourth wife.''' —Conan O'Brien

    ''Tea Party candidate Michele Bachmann said the Revolutionary War started in New Hampshire when it really started in Massachusetts. Interesting that a woman who believes so strongly in states rights can't get her states right.'' —Jay Leno

    ''New Rule: Stop comparing Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann just because they're both Republican women. And crazy. And know-nothings. And Jesus freaks, who claim to receive messages from God. Who both get their historical facts wrong all the time. Who both give off a sound that only animals can hear and makes microwaves explode. Seriously, stop comparing them.'' —Bill Maher

    ''Newt Gingrich is so pro-marriage, he can't stop doing it. He is so morally upright, that he's only had sex after he was married. Just not always to the woman he was married to.'' —Stephen Colbert

    ''Everyone in the blamestream media, copyright, is saying Newt Gingrich is on the ropes. Wrong, you parasites. This man will rise again, just like the sourdough he appears to be made of.'' —Stephen Colbert

    ''No! Not Captain Buzzkill! Not the guy who looks like everyone who ever fired your dad! He's gonna suck all the fun right out of this crazy thing. Just look at the online video announcing his run. It looks like it could double as an ad for erectile dysfunction pills. 'Mitt Romney: for when the moment's right.''' —Jon Stewart

    ''Today in New York City, Sarah Palin had a meeting with Donald Trump. Now, experts say if those two joined forces on a presidential ticket it would be the greatest gift ever given to comedy.'' —Craig Ferguson

    ''Experts are predicting that in the first Republican debate, Mitt Romney will face his fiercest ideological opponent: himself from four years ago.'' —Conan O'Brien

    ''A gay activist dumped glitter all over Newt Gingrich. He wants Newt to stop being against gay marriage. But Newt believes marriage is a sacred bond between a man and his wife and his mistress and the other woman he's seeing on the side.'' —Jay Leno

    ''Jon Huntsman is fluent in Chinese. In a short period of time the Republicans have come quite a long way. The last Republican president wasn't even fluent in English.'' —David Letterman
  6. ghrit

    ghrit Bad company Administrator Founding Member

    :lol: All pols are targets.
  7. chelloveck

    chelloveck Diabolus Causidicus


  8. Seawolf1090

    Seawolf1090 Retired Curmudgeonly IT Monkey Founding Member

    bobo has certainly provided plenty of material, as has his VEEP.
  9. chelloveck

    chelloveck Diabolus Causidicus


    As has Bobo's master, and the master's VP! ; )
  10. Seawolf1090

    Seawolf1090 Retired Curmudgeonly IT Monkey Founding Member

    Nah, nothing at all funny about George Soros. "Scary Dude" just needs to be gotten rid of. Be a good job for SEAL Team Six......
    I am hoping for a very good laugh the day when bobo is handed his pink slip and hauls his butt back to Chitown. MAybe his little buddy Rahm has another 'neighborhood organizer' position........
  11. chelloveck

    chelloveck Diabolus Causidicus


    We must be referring to different Bobos. ; )
  12. Cephus

    Cephus Monkey+++ Founding Member

    Where is that ignore button ,do realize how much easier these threads would be to read .
    chelloveck likes this.
  13. jim2

    jim2 Monkey+++

    I guess I'm dumb, or I missed the punch line. Why would any democrats be members here other than as trolls?
  14. mysterymet

    mysterymet Monkey+++

    Maybe they are interested in prepping?
    Sapper John likes this.
  15. jim2

    jim2 Monkey+++

    You're joking right? It's obvious to any lucid person that these "people" aren't wise enough to realize that there is any reason to prepare for anything. To realize that would require that they would understand why they need to prep, ie cause and effect. They simply don't have the minds for that sort of cognitive reasoning. If anything they are violenty opposed to anything so selfish as "hoarding" food and other items so you can eat while others do without. How greedy! No, these dim-witted baboons aren't capable of anything that advanced.
  16. Seawolf1090

    Seawolf1090 Retired Curmudgeonly IT Monkey Founding Member

    "bobo the Whitehouse Clown", is the one I always refer to. His dog is simply 'Bo'.

    Everytime bobo comes off the golf links, he sticks his bigfoot in his mount, and the nightly comedians are good for another week....... :D

    Joe BidenHisTime is always good for a few laughs too. Another idiot who can't speak publicly without embarrassing his Party.
  17. mysterymet

    mysterymet Monkey+++

    For you to judge all democrats like that is just as bad as people judging all tea party people as racists. Neither is true! I have some friends who are military members and conservative democrats that don't like the republican party for their views on gays and abortions. They are preppers. (and pretty good about it too)
    chelloveck likes this.
  18. chelloveck

    chelloveck Diabolus Causidicus

    Thank you for the clarrification, SeaW

    Just one of those small bits of cross-cultural misunderstanding that sometimes happens across the Big Pond.

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