IRS & Gambling

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by gettingoldsucks, May 12, 2010.

  1. gettingoldsucks

    gettingoldsucks Monkey+

    The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.
    The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
    The auditor said: " Well Sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full time job, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."
    I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it, says Grandpa. How about a demonstration ?
    The auditor thinks for a moment and said : " okay, lets go ahead "
    Grandpa says, I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.
    The auditor thinks for a moment and said: " Its a bet.
    Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor jaw drops.
    Grandpa says, Now, I'll bet You two thousand dollars that i can bite my other eye.
    Now the auditor can see that Grandpa is not blind, so he takes the bet.
    Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
    The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts getting nervous.
    Wanna go double or nothing ? Grandpa asks, I'll bet you six thousand dollars
    that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.
    The auditor twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides
    there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
    Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much pees all over the auditors desk.
    The auditor jumps up and down with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.
    But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
    Are You okay ? The auditor asks.
    Not really, says the attorney. This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for a audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you would be happy about it !
    The moral : Don't mess with Old People,

    The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources !
  2. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

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