Is It Friday Yet?

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Seacowboys, Mar 22, 2011.

  1. Seacowboys

    Seacowboys Senior Member Founding Member

    Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife.

    Tearfully she explained,

    "It's the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I

    had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone."

    Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and

    demand an apology.

    Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him,

    "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm

    Failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and

    Hurried out to the car, just to realize that I'd locked the house with

    both House and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys.

    "Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was

    About three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire."

    "When I finally got to the store a bunch of people were waiting for me

    To open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, all the time

    The darn phone was ringing off the hook."

    He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash

    Register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor.

    I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels and

    The phone was still ringing. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made

    Me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it.

    Half of them hit the floor and broke."

    "Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got

    Back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a Rectal thermometer.

    And believe me mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her."

  2. tacmotusn

    tacmotusn RIP 1/13/21

    A retired USAF Colonel pharmacist, broken service, prior E-5 Navy Hospital Corpsman, friend of mine who is really quite a funny character told me this one several years ago. It was well worth hearing again. He is still a part time civilian pharmacist and close to 80. The joke brought back fond family memories and put a smile on my face. Thanks!
    By the way, this retired Colonel when a lowly O-2 or O-3 walked into a manditory "Dining In" (jacket and tie required), at the base Officer's Club, wearing boxers, socks, necktie, and jacket thrown jauntily over his shoulder. No Lie ..... he actually did it.
  3. Minuteman

    Minuteman Chaplain Moderator Founding Member

    I hadn't heard that one. Made me laugh! Here's one that my granddad used to tell. A little preamble, we live in a very hilly town and Smith funeral home is on the corner just uphill one block from the drug store on the corner. And this was back in the day when all the stores had the big ceiling fans and left their doors open in the summertime. So this all sounds plausible to someone from our town hearing it. And my Granddad would tell it like he was there and seen it.

    They were having a funeral at Smiths funeral home and after the service they were wheeling the casket outside on the cart. They let go of it to open the door of the hearse but they had forgot to set the brake on it and it started rolling away. It rolled out of the parking lot and down the street. It hit a rock and veered over and went right inside the open doors of the corner drug store. It rolled all the way through the store and slammed into the druggists counter in the back. It hit so hard that the lid flew open and the corpse sat straight up in the casket.

    ( after a short pause, letting everyone picture this scene in their mind he would go on)
    That corpse looked that druggist right in the eye and said "Buddy, you got anything to stop this coffin?"

    Yeah I know, pretty corny joke but this thread reminded me of it.
    Tracy likes this.
  4. Witch Doctor 01

    Witch Doctor 01 Mojo Maker

    An important survival question....

    Do you know how to tell the difference between a rectal termometer and an oral thermometer?

    wait for it....

    The taste....:D
  5. mysterymet

    mysterymet Monkey+++

    Do you know what the difference between ass kissing and brown nosing is? Depth perception...
  6. Seawolf1090

    Seawolf1090 Retired Curmudgeonly IT Monkey Founding Member

    TAC, I can well believe that of a Navy guy! I did the same, servicewise though the other way around. USAF hitch followed by USN hitch.
    The Navy guys were much wilder!! Must be all that time spent at sea....... :D
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