and yeah..some of them made their way in to songs....Culled from "A Pirate Looks at Fifty"..his autobiography... (and that's Jimmy Buffett for those of you that didn't already know that.... ) 1. Never forget, They are always the enemy. 2. Just remember, assholes were born that way and they usually don’t change. 3. You do not want to go to jail. 4. When you start to take yourself seriously, you are in big trouble. 5. It takes no longer to see the good side of life than it does to see the bad. 6. If you plan on running with the ball, count on fumbling and getting the s*** kicked out of you. But never forget how much fun it is just to run with the ball. 7. Think on your feet or die on your ass. 8. An indictment is not a conviction. 9. It is better to be judged by twelve than carried by six. 10. Pink is good, blue is bad, air should go in and out. 11. If you drop the baby, pick it up. 12. All bleeding eventually stops. 12a. Do not be superstitious about silly things like unlucky numbers. 14. All fires eventually go out. 15. Fire trucks should be red. 16. The only way two people can keep a secret is if one of them is dead. 17. If you arrive at an accident scene after midnight and do not find a drunk, keep looking, somebody is missing. 18. If your job depends on sick and stupid, don’t worry about the shortage of sick people, there is enough stupid to keep us all busy. 19. You can’t fix stupid. 20. When you figure out that you don’t need to have it all figured out, then you’re finally getting your s*** together. 21. Want what you have. 22. Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it 23. It’s what you learn after you know it all that really counts. 24. Never come up faster than your bubbles. 25. If you see a black hole surrounded by teeth, forget about the bubbles. 26. The more we learn, the less we know. 27. It’s not bragging if you really are as good as you say you are. 28. I’d rather die while I’m living than live while I’m dead. 29. If we weren’t all crazy, we would go insane. 30. Arguing with your in-laws is like wrestling with a pig, you get s*** on your good clothes and the pig likes it. 31. You and I are only two people in the world that aren’t crazy, and I’m beginning to wonder about you. 32. Never give up on anyone, miracles happen every day. 33. Lust for the future, treasure the past. 34. The wrong thing is the right thing until you lose control. 35. If I have to explain it to you, you probably wouldn’t understand it anyway. 36. Say what you mean, mean what you say. 37. Don’t let your ego write checks your body can’t cash. 38. Never purchase used parachute equipment from a widow. 39. Every stop is a place to start. 40. Be good and you will be lonesome. 41. My life is all I’ve got to lose. 42. Live a lie and you will live to regret it. 43. Whatever it is, if somebody can take it away from you, it’s probably not worth having. 44. If you try to be to sharp, you’ll cut yourself. 45. If you don’t have time to do it right, you don’t have time to do it again. 46. If you are treading on thin ice, you may as well dance. 47. If it’s stupid but it works, it isn’t stupid. 48. Don’t ever be the first, don’t ever be the last and don’t ever volunteer to do anything. 49. When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend. 50. Don’t try to describe the ocean if you’ve never seen it. 51. The older I get the smarter my parents are. 52. We are the people our parents warned us about.