The Dead Horse Young Chuck in Montana bought a horse from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news... the horse died." Chuck replied, "Well, then just give me my money back." The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already." Chuck said, "Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse." The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?" Chuck said, "I'm going to raffle him off." The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead horse!" Chuck said, "Sure I can, Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead." A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, "What happened with that dead horse?" Chuck said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $998." The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?" Chuck said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back." Chuck grew up and now works for the government. He's the one who figured out how this "bail-out" is going to work
Did you know that eagles mate for life? Well one day Harry the eagle waited at the nest for Mary, his darling of 10 glorious years. After a while, when she didn't return, he went looking and found her. She had been shot. Dead! Harry was devastated, but after about six minutes of mourning he decided that he must get himself another mate, but, since there weren't any lady eagles available, he'd have to cross the feather barrier. So he flew off to find a new mate. He found a lovely dove and brought her back to the nest. The sex was good but all the dove would say is 'I am a DOVE, I want to love! I am a DOVE, I want to love!' Well this got on Harry's nerves so he kicked the dove out of the nest and flew off once more to find a mate. He soon found a very sexy loon and brought her back to the nest. Again the sex was good but all the loon would say is, 'I am a LOON, I want to spoon! I am a LOON, I want to spoon!' So out with the loon. Once more he flew off to find a mate. This time he found a gorgeous duck and he brought the duck back to the nest. This time the sex was great, but all the duck would say was..... No, the duck didn't say 'THAT'..... .. Don't be so disgusting! The duck said, 'I am a DRAKE , you made a MISTAKE !!!
I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?' He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?' 'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!' Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs? 'I said, 'No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!' 'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, hiking, or bicycling?' 'No, I don't,' I said. He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?' 'No,' I said. He looked at me and said,.... 'Then, why do you even care?
