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Just for CRC and Tracy....

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by gillman7, Feb 25, 2007.

  1. gillman7

    gillman7 Monkey+++

    An English professor wrote the words, “a woman without her man is nothing” on the board, and directed the students to punctuate it correctly.

    The men in the class wrote:
    “A woman, without her man, is nothing.”
    The women in the class wrote: “A woman: without her, man is nothing.”

    Sorry guys! NO!!
  2. sniper-66

    sniper-66 Monkey+++ Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Thanks! Just eg em on!

  3. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Thanks gillman, for the laughs this morning.....[LMAO]

    and Sniper??

    Just for you...feel better now...???

    How many men does it take to open a beer?
    - None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

    Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
    - Because a woman who can't afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

    Why do women have smaller feet than men?
    - It allows them to stand closer to the sink.

    How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
    - She starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

    How do you fix a woman's watch?
    - It doesn't matter. There is a clock on the oven.

    Why do men break wind more than women?
    - Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the pressure.

    If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
    - The dog. He'll shut up once you let him in.

    What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
    - A woman that won't do what she's told.

    I married Miss Right.
    - I just didn't know her first name was Always.

    I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months!
    - I don't like to interrupt her.

    Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by up to 90%.
    - It's called wedding cake.

    Marriage is a three ring circus:
    - Engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering.

    My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
    - I said, "Dust!"

    In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman.
    - Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

    Why do men die before their wives?
    - They want to.

    A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds section with the heading "Wife Wanted."
    - The next day he received a hundred letters saying "You can have mine."
  4. sniper-66

    sniper-66 Monkey+++ Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Naw, the list wasn't long enough! [touchdown]
  5. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

    ~giggle~ Thanks!!![LMAO]

    Three women escape from a penitentiary. A brunette, a redhead and a blonde. They run for miles and finally come to a barn, they decide to hide in some potato sacks. An hour later a sheriff and his deputy arrive at the barn. The sheriff tells his deputy to check the sacks. He kicks the first sack with the brunette in it. "Bow-wow!" says the brunette. "There's a puppy in this one!" says the deputy. So he kicks the second sack which the redhead in hiding in. "Meow!" says the redhead. "Sheriff there's a kitty in this one!" So he goes to the third sack with the blonde and kicks the sack. Nothing. So he kicks it a second time. The blonde replies, "Potatoes!"<!--This page was viewed on Buzzle.com on 2/25/2007 3:53:07 PM. More info:URL accessed: http://www.buzzle.com/editorials/10-5-2005-78226.aspHTTP_USER_AGENT: Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows 98)REMOTE_ADDR: 2000 Buzzle.comAll rights reserved-->

    made me giggle.;)
  6. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

    Here ya' go, Sniper

    <TABLE class=tborder style="BORDER-TOP-WIDTH: 0px" cellSpacing=1 cellPadding=6 width="100%" align=center border=0><TBODY><TR title="Post 49335" vAlign=top><TD class=alt1 align=middle width=125>sniper-66</TD><TD class=alt2>Naw, the list wasn't long enough! [touchdown]</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>Q: How many chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: None, she can wash dishes in the dark.

    Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
    A: Tell her to get back to work!

    Q: What is the difference between a PMSing woman and a pit bull?
    A: Lipstick.

    Q: What is the difference between a PMSing woman and a terrorist?
    A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

    Q: What is the disease called that paralyzes a woman from the waist down?
    A: Marriage.

    Fact: When a man talks dirty to a woman, it is sexual harrasmant. When a woman talks dirty to a man it is $3.99/ minute.

    Young Son: "Dad is it true, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't KNOW his wife until he marries her?" Dad: "That happens in every country, son."
  7. sniper-66

    sniper-66 Monkey+++ Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Ahhh, now I feel complete!
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