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Lawyer Jokes

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by GreenTeaBlend, Mar 25, 2011.

  1. GreenTeaBlend

    GreenTeaBlend Monkey+

    Heard on the radio today...

    Q: Why do you bury a lawyer face down?
    A: In case he starts digging.

  2. mysterymet

    mysterymet Monkey+++

    Why don't sharks bite lawyers? Professional courtesy.
  3. VisuTrac

    VisuTrac Ваша мать носит военные ботинки Site Supporter+++

    I've got a really good one but not appropriate for public consumption. DM me for joke. It is raunchy. you have been warned.

    or a safe one or two below.

    what is the difference between a carp and a lawyer? One is a scum sucking bottom feeder, the other is a fish.

    What would you call a private jet full of lawyers that crashed into the Detroit river, killing all aboard? A good start.

    What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer? Chelsea Clinton

    And yes i had an uncle who was a lawyer. He hated my jokes too. Especially this one. What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? Skeet.
  4. mysterymet

    mysterymet Monkey+++

    What is the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull? Lipstick.
  5. jungatheart

    jungatheart Beginner's Mind

    Woman goes to a doctor and asks if she can get pregnant from **** intercourse. Doc says yeah, where do you think lawyers come from?
  6. SteveB

    SteveB Monkey+

    What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?

    A Doberman.
  7. SteveB

    SteveB Monkey+

    What do lawyers have in common with carrion-eating buzzards?

  8. mysterymet

    mysterymet Monkey+++

    What is the definition of a shame? A bus load of lawyers goes over a cliff.
    What is the definition of a crying shame? There was an empty seat on the bus.
  9. VisuTrac

    VisuTrac Ваша мать носит военные ботинки Site Supporter+++

    my favorite

    How do you get a lawyer down from the tree?

    you cut the rope.
  10. Falcon15

    Falcon15 Falco Peregrinus

    What is the difference between a dead coyote in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? There are skid marks in front of the coyote.

    What is the difference between a lawyer and a skunk?
    The smell from a skunk wears off eventually.
  11. Seacowboys

    Seacowboys Senior Member Founding Member

    Guy sits around the campfire, sipping Jack out of a bottle and every once in a while just shouts just as loud as he can "All Lawyers are assholes!"
    this happens five or six time until finally another man walks over and says "hey, is that you shouting that all lawyers are assholes? I resent that!"
    "yea, what about it, you a lawyer?" he asks?
    "Nope" he says, "I'm an asshole."
    Falcon15 likes this.
  12. Minuteman

    Minuteman Chaplain Moderator Founding Member

    One of my mentors in the oil business, more like a second father to me, is an old grizzled West Texas oilman/cowboy. He shared much of his philosophy on life with me over the years. We were discussing lawyers one time and this was his response.

    " I figger the world would be a whole lot better place if it was legal, once in his life, for a man to kill at least one lawyer and one ex-wife"
    scrapman21009, Falcon15 and ghrit like this.
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