a fellow parrothead posted this today on another board I belong to...and I PM'd him and asked permission to re post it here....he said sure and "tell them a fellow gun nut said hello"...Avid hunter..lives in a town with one light and likes it that way.....and yes, he's a parrothead as well.... ;-) God I love my friends!! "Sometimes I can't believe the things that fall in my lap. We've all gotten those Nigerian scammer emails, but this is the first time I have been solicited via IM. Not a bad way to waste half an hour. The conversation went as follows: Note: the 2 conversations were going on simultaneously. minglewithcollins: Hi...I'm collins spivak 51,from california USA But currently working in TRENDYWEARS COMPANY IN ENGLAND,We are looking for a trusthworthy representatives who will be helpiing us receiving payments from our clients and customers in the state and be earning $300 weekly which would'nt affect your present state of work,If you are intrested I'm online now IM me for more information. frank : are you sure you're from california? one would think that someone with such an anglo-sounding name would have at least a cursory grasp on the english language. minglewithcollins: How are you doing minglewithcollins: i am here to give you more information frank : oh goody, this is my lucky day indeed minglewithcollins: Are you intrested frank : of course i am interested. i am truly blessed that such a risk-free opportunity has been presented to a mere mortal such as myself minglewithcollins: it not risk..we can even give you a call if you which frank : i am so poor that i cannot afford a telephone. this $300 per week will allow me to purchase luxuries such as a phone. and food - i'm so very hungry. god bless al gore for inventing the internet minglewithcollins: You can talk to the company manager frank : is he cute? minglewithcollins: he is a very kind man... minglewithcollins: talk to him ... frank: i like kind men. they make me feel all funny - like when i used to climb the rope in gym class minglewithcollins: okay... minglewithcollins: nice meeting you frank : but wait...what about my $300 per week? frank : i'll do anything for that money. ANYTHING... minglewithcollins: macdonaldalbertD@yahoo.com minglewithcollins: you can talk to him ..dont worry frank : macdonald? is he the guy with the farm. i love the song they wrote about him minglewithcollins: okay.. minglewithcollins: Just talk to him BUZZ!!! frank : but i want to talk to you. you seem like such a nice fellow. don't you want to talk to me? why don't you like me? minglewithcollins: i like you..you will talk to him about the job.. minglewithcollins: dont i will add you and i will talk to you frank : but what if he's mean to me. i couldn't handle that - i'm very fragile. minglewithcollins: dont worry minglewithcollins: just tell him ..i directed you to him frank : i dont know. i'm scared. will you hold me? minglewithcollins: dont worry just present your self in a good way..he is a very kind man frank : what is a good way to present myself? will it help if i dress up as a ballerina? does he like hairy men in a tutu? minglewithcollins: i mean talk to him about the job frank : oh, i was way off. minglewithcollins: or dont you need the job frank : oh, i need the job minglewithcollins: So then talk to him frank : will you talk to him for me? i'm more afraid than grover in "the monster at the end of this book". and that's pretty darn scared minglewithcollins: what your name frank : egbert q. slippyfist, jr. minglewithcollins: he is going to talk to you rigth minglewithcollins: i hope you have seen him frank : i dont see him what does he look like? minglewithcollins: he has talk to you minglewithcollins: Do you have a home frank : i had a home once. it had a roof and everything. but then the bad men came and told me i couldn't live under the stairs anymore frank : i dont like to talk about that. it makes me cry minglewithcollins: ohh sorry frank : that's ok. i need a tissue. do you have a tissue i could borrow? minglewithcollins: No.. frank : you made me cry and now you wont give me a tissue. im starting to think that you are not a very nice man. minglewithcollins: So give me an email minglewithcollins: firstname.lastname@example.org frank : so, when do i start? can i get paid today? minglewithcollins: No..you have to mail the company.. minglewithcollins: just mail email@example.com minglewithcollins: there you wil find a form and you will fill the form minglewithcollins: and send it to firstname.lastname@example.org frank : i'm not so good at filling out forms. i filled out a form incorrectly once and they came and killed my little sister. frank : and i only have one little sister left now, and if you kill her i'll be all alone ================================================================================== macdonaldalbertd: hello BUZZ!!! frank : hello? HELLO? speak up. i cannot hear you macdonaldalbertd: well am macdonald the head of the requirting officei guess u 've spoke with collins online and he has explain things to u frank : he is a very nice man. frank : i think i have a crush on him macdonaldalbertd: what happend? macdonaldalbertd: why did u have a crush on him macdonaldalbertd: ? frank : he touched me the way my priest used to. but my priest used to give me ice cream after. do you think mr. collins will give me ice cream too? macdonaldalbertd: well i dont knw . macdonaldalbertd: all i just wanna do is to explain things to u concerning the job macdonaldalbertd: i mean u working for the company frank : oh the job. yes, i'm very interested in the job. if i can get some money, i can buy my son back from the pawn shop before he dies. in hindsight, i really should have poked air holes in that box. macdonaldalbertd: well okay but u are gonna be a rep on behalf of the company cos the company was formerly located in usa but we shift our base to uk so now payment that are to be made by our customers are made to usa so all the company wants u to do is to receive the payment and checks on their behalf afterwardsd u get paid for that every week frank: do i have to dress up like peter pan for this job? macdonaldalbertd: naa frank : can i dress up like peter pan for this job? i think he's the coolest macdonaldalbertd: we would like you to be free with us frank : like free bird? do you like that song? i would think a guy like you would be a huge lynyrd skynyrd fan. am i right? macdonaldalbertd: just put on ur casual dress cos u gonna be at home working on our behalf all u gotta to do is just give ur info to collins to that the payment and checks we gonna be expecting form our customers and clients would get to u frank : but i dont have a home. i live in a van down by the river frank : i bought the van with the money i got from the pawn shop guy. its a nice van. it's blue. would you like to come see it? BUZZ!!! macdonaldalbertd: so where do u live? frank : your friend mr. collins made me cry. he's a bad man. now i have to go find a used tissue in my neighbors trash. i'll be back in a few minutes. please dont go away, i need this job ever so badly. frank : im back, mr. macdonald. i found a tissue. but a rat bit me on the hand. what does rabies feel like? frank : where did you go? what about my job? i thought you loved me "