Long time no see, stuff has changed but has it?

I know all this crap comes to an end, it's just in those moments when it seems to crash on me I can't breathe, I can't think. The anger I feel like is a new development, the depression and anxiety old news.

I do still do it, just finished one actually. She is prolly one of my best Problem is I can't paint or carve or do anything of the sort without feeling like a lazy piece of shit.

Not 100% there is an understatement lol, I feel like I'm not there at all more often than not. The focusing thing is my biggest issue right now I feel like. Because of the inmate craziness and the meds crap I've gone back to square one with what I can do. Every time I go to get something done I get confused, then I panic, then I hate myself, then I get angry, then I break down. I'll be talking to my doctor about it again soon for sure, until then I'll just keep taking my adarol and see if my body gets its shit together.

What if I want to be angry though? Seriously just a theoretical question. I feel like I've been building it up for a long time and almost feel like I want to violently take it out on something. I'm beginning to enjoy being mean to people more and look forward to opportunities to do so, I both like this and don't. Caring is fricken overrated, I'm so confused.

 

I'm well aware of that fact, however some bosses need to learn to acknowledge their employees needs if they want to keep them. I don't fuck around with work, I am reliable. I don't call in for no reason. Me needing to take one sick day for the first time in 6 months shouldn't be so stressful an endeavor. People who are in charge and pull this kind of shit can jump off a bridge for the kind of grief they cause people.

 

Always nice to hear of such stories of recovery, religion however is not for me. I wrote off religion when I was at a baptism for my cousin when I was no older than 10. The priest or whatever said you cannot love without god, even then it pissed me off. Insinuating that you cannot truly love without religion. In my eyes Christianity, Islam, and Judaism are all the same and all hateful at their core.

My sentiments exactly. I'm not an atheist or a theist, I just think things are possible either way and to have any certainty in these two subjects is silly. I find religion to be nothing but a dangerous tool and atheism too certain of itself. If that makes any sense.

 

I made it to 63 this year! Damn, there were times I didn't think I would make it through another minute, much less the rest of the day. It doesn't look so tough when you look back at all the garbage you went through. It only looks hard when you're standing on the edge looking forward.

 

why all the suffering?... it would be nice for me to add some sweet loving platitudes (i'm not sure what that word means!)
but, His book says the suffering will get worse... for those that believe and whew, for those that don't.
folks that say it is a bed or roses are misleading themselves and others.
my example above was clear. the lady mentioned was and is a follower of the One True God. she has suffered, but come through on the other side of the suffering. She knows that there is worse to come! whether folks on this board are Christian or not, most folks on this board have a strong suspicion that there is worse to come!

someone mentioned above... they gave up on religions.. a couple of quick points...
all religions are not the same.
followers of The One True God are not puppets on a string... they still have the right to decide to turn left or right or turn around.
non followers (such as the one who gave up) have the same rights! the right of choice..
I actually like talking to someone who has decided and made their choice.. He prefers it too... He prefers folks be cold or hot and not luke warm... sort of like politics... it's nice to know where folks stand... they evaluated the options and made a choice..
and are willing to take that path.. if's free choice!

I ask the best for all.
this is why I just say "read His book." evaluate the situation. i'm friends with those who make no choice, choose Him, or choose another path. I am sad as I watch the results of different choices..
Merry Christmas
rr

 

When everything starts closing in on you it's time to STOP, take a few deep breaths, forget about what is going wrong, what you don't have, what everyone else has or is doing etc. -- and simply remember all the good things that you DO have and appreciate each one of them by putting a little time into one or more them.

Shit is going to happen no matter what you do... so don't waste an opportunity to be enjoying something or someone you love by crying in your beer and worrying.

 

Go to see the medicos, you could be suffering from a chemical imbalance in your brain! Millions of people suffer needlessly from that kind of thing. Doesn't make you a bad person!
Best of luck to you!

 

That ship has sailed lol, I've had mental issues since 1st grade and have had different medications since then. I'm trying to move away from it now. thanks

 

I have gotten better at remembering the good things when this stuff happens, used to be I couldn't see anything good. I've been going out a bit abd meeting new friends lately too which is practically unheard of. I have gotten better than I used to be its just gotten pretty bad lately.

 

Welcome to the world of being an employee. There will always be employers that put the company, their needs ahead of yours. They make you feel like crap if you take time off even though you have days allotted for illness. I could tell you horror stories. It gets worse when you have children. I know it makes you angry and it is not right, but know you are not alone, many employees go through what you are on a daily basis.

 

The thing I have found is the higher paying the job the stricter the attendance policy tends to be.
Where I work now they have a strict attendance policy. Their attendance policy and 12hr shifts don't bother me one bit since I did 11 years active duty. But the attendance policy is the #1 reason they fire people. And the 12th shifts are the main reason people quit.

The jobs that allow people to call in all the time are only going to pay minimum wage or close to it.

 

I make six figures and my hours and time off are very flexible. GOOD companies/managers take care of their most productive and dependable people that way.

 

Don't think about how large the task is, or how long the day is. First, win the moment; then win the minute; then win the hour; then win the day. Break down the task (or situation) before you. Define it down into smaller achievable segments. Then, work to succeed at each one. At first it may need to be linear---one after another. Later, as you build skill at winning many moments, minutes, hours, and days, you will find yourself multi-tasking. You will find yourself being more successful than you imagined when you first started. But the Process must begin with winning that first moment (focusing on self-control by focusing on the first step of a particular task at hand), and building from there. The end result that defines success is that the outcome is something good for you, and those around you. Your mileage may vary, but the Process is always the same. Get on with it Hoss, and best wishes.

 

Breaking tasks down into smaller segments is something i've needed to remember to do, it helps me a lot. Things have been crazy lately so sorry for the delayed reply and thank you very much.

 

Dealing with frustration.
If I find my self getting hammered down with issues and am allowed a moment of free thought ,I stop and pray .
Initially because I am over whelmed ,I know my heavenly Father understands me even before I speak, and as I lay my burdens at his feet my load lightens and thoughts get clearer and He guides me in prayer and assures me I am where He wants me to be.
You have no idea how important this is to me.

 

I have found far more often then not... that what I need is already provided I just have to pay attention!

Look listen and what not kinda thing...