JACKSONVILLE, FL - Rick Warren was attacked by the half-alligator mutant Manigator at a press conference earlier today. Since being asked to give the opening prayer for the Obama inauguration, Warren has been the cause of much protest due to his history of opposing gay marriage. Warren called an emergency press conference this morning to address the criticism. However before he could begin his meeting was crashed by Manigator. Slamming the doors open, the diminutive reptile-man immediately filled the room with the smell of stale alcohol, tripping over the carpet and steadying himself by grabbing the bosom of a female reporter. Through a damp cigarette he slurringly yelled to Warren, “You show em what… yeah!” Rick Warren, mortified, tried to get through a prepared statement focusing on cooperation between people of different beliefs. Unfortunately his every sentence was punctuated by Manigator, yelling his support for intolerance using vulgar language and controlled flatulence. Putting down his cards Warren calmly asked Manigator to please leave, and that he could not accept his support. Manigator, stunned, shed a single tear while swaying drunkenly in the press conference. Then he threw a beer bottle at Rick Warren before launching into another tirade using more vulgarity and flatulence. Security removed Manigator, who was heard yelling “I’m not crying! Don’t you think I’m crying!” Shaken, Warren called the conference off without answering any questions. Two CNN reporters will be filing sexual harassment suits against Manigator.