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Math in The South...

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by CRC, Jul 1, 2006.

  1. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Yep... :D

    I am sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South,
    and we challenge any so-called smart Yankees to take this exam:

    1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will
    support a 10-pound possum.

    2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks
    in your front yard?
    (A) '65 Ford Fairlane
    (B) '86 Dodge Diplomat
    (C) '80 Ford pickup.

    3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20
    gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required
    to condense the product?

    4. A woodcutter has a Chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density
    of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot
    is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many
    Budweisers will it take to cut the trees down?

    5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a
    field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16
    feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch
    collapses, how many dogs will be killed?

    6. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average
    slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children
    place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for
    their electric appliances to sit out front?

    7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep
    slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average
    traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it
    will strike a vehicle with a muffler?

    8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it
    take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country music singer?

    I betcha thought that this here test was gonna be an easy one, didn't
    It's okay if ya didn't do all that well. Just goes to show ya there's a
    hole heap of things that big city book learning don't prepare ya for in
    this life.

    As an added bonus for taking the "REDNECK MATH CHALLENGE", here's some
    southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a piece . . . Next
    time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and
    place a delivery order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home
    with them.
  2. TailorMadeHell

    TailorMadeHell Lurking Shadow Creature

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