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Maybe not so funny, but - "Divorce agreement"

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by ghrit, Apr 27, 2018.

  1. ghrit

    ghrit Bad company Administrator Founding Member

    Posted in humor because I have NOT fact checked it.


    Supposedly, the person who wrote this is a college (law) student. Perhaps there is hope for us after all.

    Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:
    We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.
    Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

    Here is a our separation agreement:
    --Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.
    --We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.
    --You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.
    --Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.
    --We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and the coal mines, and you can go with wind, solar and bio diesel.
    --You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move them.
    --We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street.
    --You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, home boys, LGBTMNOP, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens.
    --We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks.
    --We'll keep Tucker Carlson, and Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood
    --You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.
    --You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.
    --We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.
    --You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. But we will no longer be paying the bill.
    --We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Volt and Leaf you can find.
    --You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.
    --We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem."
    --I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya" or "We Are the World".
    --We'll practice trickle-down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.
    --Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

    Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you might think about which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

    John J. Wall
    Law Student and an American

    P.S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin & Charlie Sheen, Barbara Streisand, & (Hanoi) Jane Fonda with you.
    Hanzo, BlueDuck, Oddcaliber and 13 others like this.
  2. ochit

    ochit Monkey+

    Hey it's politically incorrect to make fun of fat people but, it's fine if they are lard bottom libitards :ROFLMAO:
    Oddcaliber, Lancer, SB21 and 2 others like this.
  3. techsar

    techsar Monkey+++

    ...or perhaps "Back in the USSR"?
    ochit, Oddcaliber and ghrit like this.
  4. Oddcaliber

    Oddcaliber Monkey++

    Make sure the liberals keep the "Gun free zones"! Don't want them to hurt themselves. LOL
    ochit and SB21 like this.
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