Men..Men...Men

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by CRC, Sep 26, 2005.


  1. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    From my "oh so wise ", 20 yr old daughter... So guys..is any of it true??


    Translation Guide for Women
    Men are often of few words, so ladies, make sure you know what they are really saying.

    "I'M GOING FISHING"
    Translated: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid and stand by the ocean with a stick in my hand while the fish swim by in complete safety."

    "IT'S A GUY THING"
    Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you, as a woman, have no chance at all of making it logical".

    "CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
    Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

    "UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY", OR "YES, DEAR"
    Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

    "IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
    Translated: "I have no idea how it works."

    "I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
    Translated: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."

    "TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
    Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

    "THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
    Translated: "Are you still talking?"

    "YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
    Translated: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the year/make and model of every vehicle I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

    "I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES."
    Translated: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

    "OH, DON'T FUSS - IT'S JUST A CUT, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
    Translated: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before admitting that it hurts or that I did it to myself."

    "HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."
    Translated: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

    "I CAN'T FIND IT."
    Translated: "I looked in one likely spot and it didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless where it is. I need you to use your intra-uterine radar and find it for me."

    "WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
    Translated: "What did you catch me at?"

    "I HEARD YOU."
    Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 hours yelling at me."

    "YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
    Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse." ...also... "But I could enjoy having sex with almost anyone between the ages of 18 and 50."

    "YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
    Translated: "Oh, Goodness, please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving and have to pea."

    "I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
    Translated: "It's possible that no one will ever see us alive again."
     
  2. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

    [ROFL] :lol: [ROFL]
     
  3. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    I have found this one to be true.... ;) :lol:


    "I CAN'T FIND IT."
    Translated: "I looked in one likely spot and it didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless where it is. I need you to use your intra-uterine radar and find it for me."


    The intra unterine radar cracks me up...

    Ok...lunch is over ...time go to back...see y'll tonight...
     
  4. Valkman

    Valkman Knifemaker Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Man, those are right on! I don't know how many times the wife has told me she was leaving to go somewhere, left, and I didn't hear any of it. A while later I'll be like "Hey, where'd she go?". b::
     
  5. E.L.

    E.L. Moderator of Lead Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    I plead the fifth.
     
  6. ghostrider

    ghostrider Resident Poltergeist Founding Member

    :shock: Not me!
     
  7. Clyde

    Clyde Jet Set Tourer Administrator Founding Member

    Did you say something? Or was I just tuning out the insessant background noise I thought was the TV.
     
  8. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

    The Female Response Translator

    FINE
    This is the word women use to end an argument when they think they are right and want you to shut up.

    FIVE MINUTES
    If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour.
    Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

    NOTHING
    This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "Nothing" usually end in 'Fine.'

    GO AHEAD
    This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

    LOUD SIGH
    This is not actually a word, but is a nonverbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you're an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing."

    THAT'S OKAY
    This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "THAT'S OKAY" means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

    THANKS
    A woman is thanking you, probably with sarcasm for something she didn't want you to do. Do not question it. Just say "You're welcome." and back out of the room... slowly.
     
  9. ghostrider

    ghostrider Resident Poltergeist Founding Member

    :D :lol: :x :oops: :cry: :evil:
     
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