mens rules for women

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by warhead2, Jan 30, 2006.


  1. warhead2

    warhead2 Monkey+++ Founding Member

    We always hear "the rules" from the female side.

    Now here are the rules from the male side.
    These are our rules!

    Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up,
    put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us
    complaining about you leaving it down.

    1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
    tides. Let it be.

    1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of
    it that way.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this
    one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious
    hints do not work! Just say it!

    1. Yes &No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
    what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
    In fact, all comments become null and void after
    7 days.

    1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,
    don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
    Don't ask us.

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways
    and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we
    meant the other one.

    1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
    done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
    yourself.


    1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
    commercials.

    1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.


    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
    Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
    Pumpkin is also a fruit.
    We have no idea what mauve is.

    1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
    we will act like
    nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
    hassle.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
    answer you don't want to hear.

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
    fine... Really.

    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
    discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster
    trucks.

    1. You have enough clothes.

    1. You have too many shoes.

    1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

    1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
    couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's
    like camping.
     
  2. E.L.

    E.L. Moderator of Lead Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    [beer] [ditto]
     
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