MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Conagher, Sep 11, 2008.


  1. Conagher

    Conagher Dark Custom Rider Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

    Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.

    Please select from the following options menu:

    If you are
    obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

    If you are
    co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

    If you have
    multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

    If you are
    paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

    If you are
    delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

    If you are
    schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell You which number to press.

    If you are
    manic-depressive, hang up. It doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

    If you are
    dyslexic, press 9-6-9-6.

    If you are
    bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. But Please wait for the beep..

    If you have
    short-term memory loss, press 9.

    If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
    If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

    If you have
    low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too busy to talk with you.

    If you are
    menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

    If
    you are blonde, don't press any buttons. You'll just mess it up.

    This coming week is
    <?xml:namespace prefix = o />
    National Mental Health Care week.
    You can do your part by remembering
    to contact at least
    one unstable person to show you care.

    (Well, my job is done . Your turn!!)

















     
  2. Blackjack

    Blackjack Monkey+++

    Very good
     
  3. Valkman

    Valkman Knifemaker Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    That's me. Assholes. [boozingbuddies]
     
  4. ghrit

    ghrit Ambulatory anachronism Administrator Founding Member


    If you are
    co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

    That's me. Tough when you live alone --
     
  5. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

    [LMAO]
     
  6. poacher

    poacher Monkey+++ Founding Member

    And just remember one out of four people are mentally unstable. So think of your three closest friends, if they seem ok you're it. See that twitching really does mean somthing.

    Take care Be safe Poacher.
     
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