Mental Hospital Phone Menu

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Tracy, Feb 21, 2008.

  1. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

    “Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital. Please select from the following options menu:

    If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

    If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

    If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

    If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the
    line so we can trace your call.

    If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the
    Mother Ship.

    If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell
    you which number to press.

    If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press,
    nothing will make you happy anyway.

    If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

    If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the
    beep or after the beep, please wait for the beep.

    If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term
    memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

    If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy
    to talk with you.

    If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie
    down and cry. You won't be "crazy" forever.

    If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.”
  2. Blackjack

    Blackjack Monkey+++

    Now that's funny..... I wish I would have had that when I worked at the hospital.

    One of my sergeants would call the payphone in the psych ward and, while watching on camera for laughs, would tell the patient things like "I'm the voice in your head" or "I'm hiding in the ceiling and watching you".

    'nother shining example of law enforcement excellence.
  3. monkeyman

    monkeyman Monkey+++ Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    I have that as a ringtone on my phone. Its free at under mental health hotline. They also have a cool one for the police.
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