1. Two hunters decide to go moose hunting in Canada. They hire an airplane to drop them off in a remote region. The pilot drops them off and tells them, "I`ll be back in one week. No more than one moose - got it?" One week passes, and the pilot returns. The hunters have two moose. The pilot says, "Hey, I told you guys no more than one moose." One of the hunters replies, "Look the pilot told us the same thing last year and we gave him a `big` tip to take both moose out." The three of them argue for several minutes more. The pilot gives up and agrees to take both moose. Well, they load up the moose and fire up the plane. The plane shudders and strains trying to take off. It finally gets the wheels off the ground 5 feet, 10 feet. Whoops! It runs out of runway and smashes into a tree. The two hunters, dazed and confused make there way out of the wreckage. One hunter looks at the other and says, "Where the heck are we?" The other looks around and replies, "About 200 yards further than we got last year!"

    In Portland, Maine a 500 pound moose jumped off an overpass on route I-95, falling 20 feet to it's death. Witnesses say they overheard the moose scream before jumping, "Hey Rocky, watch me fly over this guardrail!"

    Q: What's the difference between a ska band and a moose? A: A moose has horns in the front and its asshole in the back!

    Q: What has antlers and sucks blood? A: A moose-quito!

    Q: What do you get when you cross a mouse and a deer? A: Mickey Moose

    Q: Why do moose have such big antlers? A: So they get better radio reception!

    A man and his pet moose walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: "Last call." So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my moose." The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the moose falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there." To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a moose."

    A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a moose sitting next to him. "Are you a moose?" asked the man, surprised. "Yes." "What are you doing at the movies?" The moose replied, "Well, I liked the book."
  2. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

  3. Seacowboys

    Seacowboys Senior Member Founding Member

    a blonde, a brunette and a redhead all go hunting.
    The brunette comes back with a deer.
    her father asks "How did you get that deer?"
    the brunette replies "I followed the tracks and I followed the tracks and I got the deer."
    Next, the redhead comes back with a moose.
    her father asks "how did you get that moose!"
    the redhead replies "I followed the tracks and I followed the tracks and I got the moose."
    Last, the blonde comes crawling home....all beaten up and brused and a few broken arms and legs.
    the blonde replies "I followed the tracks and I followed the tracks and I got hit by a train."

    lot easier pulling it this way, but... why do we keep getting farther and farther away from the truck??"
    oldawg and Sapper John like this.
  4. Sapper John

    Sapper John Analog Monkey in a Digital World

    A Priest,a Rabbi,and a Moose walk into a bar...
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