Two women were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while one looks at the other and says, 'I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're... from Ireland .' The other woman responds proudly, 'Yes, I sure am!' The first one says, 'So am I! And where about in Ireland are ya from?' The other woman answers, 'I'm from St. John's , I am.' The first one responds, 'So, am I! And what street did you live on?' The other woman says, 'A lovely little area it was in the west end. I lived on Warbury Street in the old central part of town.' The first one says, 'Faith and it's a small world. So did I! So did I! And what school did ya go to?' The other woman answers, 'Well now, I went to Holy Heart of Mary, of course.' The first one gets really excited and says, 'And so did I. Tell me,what year did you graduate?' The other woman answers, 'Well, now, let's see. I graduated in 1964.' The first woman exclaims, 'The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same pub tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from Holy Heart of Mary in 1964 meself.' About this time, Michael walks into the bar, sits down and orders a beer. Brian, the bartender, walks over to Michael, shaking his head and mutters, 'It's going to be a long night tonight'. Michael asks, 'Why do you say that, Brian ?' Brian answers, 'The Murphy twins are drunk again.'
"You know Jesus was Irish, he talked a lot, sat around drinking with his friends all day and his mother thought he was God " Some preacher when I was a kid. He also said "A little boy ask him why is whiskey bad?" So he and the little boy dug up some worms and put them in a jar and then he poured some whiskey in the jar with the worms, the worms all wiggled in agony and died. The preacher asked the boy now what does that tell you about whiskey?" Little boy says "Well it tells me if you drink whiskey you won't get worms!"
A sobbing Ms Murphy approaches Father O’Grady after mass. He says: “So what’s bothering you?” She replies: “Oh, Father, I’ve terrible news. My husband passed away last night.” The priest says: “Oh, Mary, that’s terrible. Did he have any last requests?” "Certainly father," she replied. “He said: “Please Mary, put down that damn gun.”
Paddy goes into a bar and orders seven shots of whiskey and one Guinness. The barman lines up shots and goes to get the Guinness. When he comes back with the pint, all seven shots are gone. The barman says: “Wow! You sure drank those fast.” Paddy explains: "You would drink fast too if you had what I have.” The barman asks: “What do you have?” The guy reaches into his pocket and says: “Fifty cents!”
IRISH GHOST STORY This story happened a while ago in Dublin, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitch-hiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm. The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door ... only to realise there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't running. The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the window, and turned the wheel. John, paralysed with terror, watched as the hand came through the window, but never touched or harmed him. Shortly thereafter, John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it... Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had. A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realised he was crying ... and wasn't drunk. Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the dark and stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath. Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other.. ‘Look Paddy ... there's that goofy idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it!'
A Guinness brewery worker travels to the home of his co-worker with bad news. 'I'm sorry Mary, but Paddy died at the brewery today'. 'Oh my god!' replied Mary, 'What happened?!' 'He drown in a vat of Guinness Stout' said the worker, sadly. 'That's terrible! Was it a quick death at least?' asked Mary. 'I'm afraid not,' the worker replied, 'He got out twice to take a piss'.
