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more rules to a gun fight courtesy of Thunder Ranch

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Witch Doctor 01, Jan 24, 2011.

  1. Witch Doctor 01

    Witch Doctor 01 Mojo Maker

    Never let someone or thing that threatens you get inside arms length and never say I got a gun. If you feel you need to use deadly force for heaven’s sake let the first sound they hear be the safety clicking off and they shouldn't have time to hear anything after that if you are doing your job.

    The average response time of a 911 call is over 3 minutes....the responsetime of a .44 magnum is 1400 feet per second.'

    The most important rule in a gunfight is: "Always win and cheat
    if necessary."

    "Don't forget, incoming fire has the right of way."

    "Make your attacker advance through a wall of bullets. You may get killed with your own gun, but he'll have to beat you to death with it, cause it's going to be empty."

    "If you're not shootin', you should be loadin'. If you're not loadin', you should be movin', if you're not movin', someone's gonna cut your head off and put it on a stick." (personally i think comunicating should be in here somewhere )

    "When you reload in low light encounters, don't put your flashlight in your back pocket. If you light yourself up, you'll look like an angel or the tooth fairy and you're gonna be one of 'em pretty soon."

    "Do something - It may be wrong, but do something."

    "Shoot what's available, as long as it's available, until something else becomes available."

    "If you carry a gun, people will call you paranoid. That's ridiculous. If you have a gun, what in the hell do you have to be paranoid for."

    "Don't shoot fast, unless you also shoot good."

    "You can say 'stop' or 'alto' or use any other word you think will work, but I've found that a large bore muzzle pointed at someone's head is pretty much the universal language."

    "You have the rest of your life to solve your problems. How long you live depends on how well you do it."

    "You cannot save the planet but you may be able to save yourself and your family."

    "Thunder Ranch will be here as long as you'll have us or until someone makes us go away, and either way, it will be exciting."
  2. BTPost

    BTPost Old Fart Snow Monkey Moderator

    Very Nice post, and Oh so True....
  3. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

    Really? You don't announce?

    I ask the noise in the dark, "Who's there?" and then tell it "I have a gun."

    Saved my MIL once (just once ;)).
  4. Witch Doctor 01

    Witch Doctor 01 Mojo Maker

    I normally announce... this is Thunder Ranches comments....

    More Excellent Gun Wisdom........

    The purpose of fighting is to win. There is no possible victory in
    defense. The sword is more important than the shield, and skill is more important than either. The final weapon is the brain. All else is supplemental.

    1. Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to
    fight, he'll just kill you.

    2. If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck.

    3. I carry a gun because a cop is too heavy.

    4. When seconds count, the cops are just minutes away.

    5. A reporter did a human-interest piece on the Texas Rangers.
    The reporter recognized the Colt Model 1911 the Ranger was carrying and asked him 'Why do you carry a 45?' The Ranger responded, 'Because they don't make a 46.'

    6. An armed man will kill an unarmed man with monotonous regularity.

    7. The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented on his wearing his sidearm. 'Sheriff, I see you have your pistol. Are you expecting trouble?' 'No ma'am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have brought my rifle.'

    8. Beware of the man who only has one gun, because he probably knows how to use it very well.

  5. ghrit

    ghrit Ambulatory anachronism Administrator Founding Member

    Announcement goes something like - "Hey. I have some pills you might like. Show yourself, and I'll give you a sample."

    The pills are, of course, a bit over a third of an inch in diameter, yet seem to be easy for them to swallow.
  6. tacmotusn

    tacmotusn Mosquito Sailor

    Did she fill her adult pampers or mess your floor? Was she nicer to you after that? Just wondered? I won't tell you all about my XMIL. You might ban me. You women are quick to say, "some men just need killin". On this subject, I am a firm believer in equal opportunity. I think I have said enough......:mad:.[beat]
    dragonfly likes this.
  7. BTPost

    BTPost Old Fart Snow Monkey Moderator

    Mine are Copper Jacketed, with Lead Cores, and I would be happy to insert them, in my choice of your body part, and at my convenience....
  8. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

    :lol: She was always nice to me. Love her... Her son, however... ;).

    In this instance, she was quick to respond, in a tiny, quivering voice "It's your mother." :lol:

    I can tell you that she never just walked into the house without knocking again. :D
  9. Lit 1911

    Lit 1911 Monkey+

    Remember the movie R.E.D ? Yeah,like that.
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