Yep...it's all true... Borrower: Otherwise intelligent consumer who believes lender should kiss him on both cheeks and give him the money - without all this credit report nonsense. Closer: This person's only job is to salvage forty or fifty emergencies at the last moment of every end of month. This person is rarely sane. Closing Date : Put into purchase contracts to give the closer fits of hysterical laughter. Credit Report: Basis for advanced creative writing by Processor and buyer since white-out doesn't work any more. Escrow Officer : A humor less individual who is only truly happy when they can blame the late closing on the lender. Fannie Mae: Government agency run by ex-stripper. Freddie Mac: Type of hamburger consumed in cars by Loan officers. Ginny Mae: Type of alcoholic beverage consumed in large quantities by mortgage employees. Good Faith Estimate: Standard document which a loan officer presents to the buyer to confuse them further. Loan Application: Document which mysteriously causes amnesia to the borrower concerning income, credit, bills, and ex-spouses. Loan Officer : Highly qualified financial analyst who typically developed these skills while selling used cars or encyclopedias. Processor: Overworked, underpaid person who collects the garbage received from the loan officer and transforms it into a real loan. These individuals are known to consume massive amounts of candy, popcorn, and cookies. Rate: This figure is always higher than the buyer's uncle thinks it should be. Realtor : Highly trained professional who nevertheless has trouble figuring out how to subtract the down payment from the sales price to get the loan amount, but has no trouble figuring e! exact commission without a calculator. Underwriter: Conscientious employee otherwise known as "God". Their most difficult task is responding to loan agent's explanations of poor credit and income history while maintaining a straight face. We need further information : We lost your file. Your loan is in committee: The underwriter/Processors are having a three margarita lunch and we can't find them..