Motivational Poster Thread (warning content)

Even the girl on the far left is scoping her out.

 

My dad took the tip of his thumb off on the table saw. So far I have all my fingers but I did get a kick back of a piece of wood in the gut--forgot to stand off to the side when ripping boards

 

That must have been an unusual party.

 

Because Plan A Never Works (otherwise we would never need Plan B)

 

Fortunatly no serious shop injuries for me.
Had my planer kick back a chunk of wood, which sandwiched my thumb between it and another chuck. Hurt like a MF, never even bruised.
About 2 years ago my wife got a nice bonus at work, she promptly said "order that saw you want!". That saw was a SawStop PCS, 240v with router table wing. That was a nice upgrade from the old Delta Contractor saw I was using.

 

Still got one and the slides too.

 

Homeless people hate when you offer them canned goods also. Try it sometime.

 

It was almost dark when a resident homeless guy approached me. He got so frustrated with me digging around in my car that he said "You could just say no."

I finally found it. A big yellow plastic flashlight that takes those big, hard to find batteries. It was still working great. I handed it to him and told him he'd need it in about 5 minutes to get back to his camp. He wasn't impressed, but he's never bothered me again.

 

I had a homeless looking dude approach me in a parking lot and asked if I had any food. Sure I said, pulled an A Pack (lower cost MRE) from behind my truck seat and gave it to him. He walked away looking pissed off and didn’t even thank me. Haha.

 

A Mother had 3 v@rg@n daughters…
They were all getting married within a short time period. Since Mom was a bit worried about how their s=x life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital s=x felt.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but: “Nescafe”!

Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to her kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar.

It said: “Good till the last drop”.

Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.

The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: “Rothmans”

Mom now knew to go straight to her husband’s cigarettes, and she read from the pack: “Extra long. King Size”

She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.

The third girl left for her honeymoon in Cape Town. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived.

Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words “South African Airways”

Mom took out her latest YOU magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for SAA.

The ad said: “Ten times a day, seven days a week, both ways.”

Mom fainted!!!

 

A young man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in a rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.

“Grandpa!” he exclaimed, “What are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!”

The old man looked off in the distance without answering.

“Grandpa, why are you sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?” He asked again.

The old man slowly looked at him and said, “Well…last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma’s idea.”

 

Ouch! (The tattooing, not the firing.)