Motivational Poster Thread (warning content)

I was kinda hoping the main rocket was rusty. I know this is the new thing for bridges and stuff, but on a rocket? My brain was thinking "we hit it with some Barkeeper's Friend and then give it a coat of grape seed oil! By the time it goes through re-entry it'd be seasoned like a new skillet."

Then I looked it up and AI told me it's a polyurethane coating.

I hate AI more every day.

 

EMPLOYEE NOTICE

Due to the current financial situation caused by the fuel crisis and the slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much ■■■■ (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Government has always prided themselves on the amount of ■■■■ they give our citizens.

Should you feel that you do not receive enough ■■■■, please bring this to the attention of your MP, who has been trained to give you all the ■■■■ you can handle.

Sincerely,

The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)

PS - Due to the Virus, recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.

 

THE THREE SIDES OF A MILITARY VETERAN

1. THE QUIET SIDE
2. THE FUN AND CRAZY SIDE
3. THE SIDE YOU NEVER WANT TO SEE.

 

Two 90-year-old women, Bertha and Betty, had been best friends all of their lives. When it was clear that Bertha was dying, Betty visited her every day. One day Betty said, “Bertha, we both loved playing softball all our lives, and we played all through high school. Please do me one favor: When you get to heaven, somehow you must let me know if there’s women’s softball there.” Bertha looked up at Betty from her deathbed and said, “Betty, you’ve been my best friend for many years. If it’s at all possible, I’ll do this favor for you.” Shortly after that, Bertha passed on. A few nights later, Betty was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to her, “Betty, Betty.” “Who is it?” asked Betty, sitting up suddenly. “Who is it?” “Betty — it’s me, Bertha.” “You’re not Bertha. Bertha just died.” “I’m telling you, it’s me, Bertha,” Insisted the voice. “Bertha! Where are you?” “In heaven,” replied Bertha. “I have some really good news and a little bad news.” “Tell me the good news first,” said Betty. “The good news,” Bertha said, “Is that there’s women’s softball in heaven. Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before me are here, too. Even better than that, we’re all young again. Better still, it’s always springtime and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play softball all we want, and we never get tired.” “That’s fantastic,” said Betty. “It’s beyond my wildest dreams! So what’s the bad news?” Bertha replies, “You’re pitching Tuesday.”

 

Thomas Jefferson planted one tree only, as i understood it. A Tulip Popular. I have a piece of wood for a knife handle. Certificate included. I am working on that knife now.

 

Whoowee.... I can so relate.

 

Dammit man ,,, that's how you make an old f'k ,, feel old ,,,