Motivational Poster Thread (warning content)

A duck hunter was out enjoying a nice morning on the marsh when he decided to take a leak… He walked over to a tree and propped up his gun. Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over, and discharged… shooting him in the genitals.

Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor.

“Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage, and we were able to remove all of the buckshot.”

“What’s the bad news?” asked the hunter.
“The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your p*nis. I’m going to have to refer you to my sister.”

“Oh, well I guess that isn’t too bad,” the hunter replied. “Is your sister a plastic surgeon?” “Not exactly,” answered the doctor. “She’s a flute player in the local symphony and she’s going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don’t piss in your eye.”

 

A Blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get started.”

Her boyfriend asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”

The blonde says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a rooster.”

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

“First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.”

He then takes her hand and says, “Secondly, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then… he said with a deep sigh” …

"Let’s put all these Corn Flakes back in the box

 

LOL
Eons ago, while living in Spokane, a local bakery advertised "high fiber bread" - they routinely sold out.

Local TV puff girl did a story - asked where did the fiber come from? Answer - we add cellulose
She asked, what's that? The answer - sterilized sawdust.

The bakery almost went under, sales hit the floor....for everything else.

Still laughing over that one.
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