ALL CRITICISM WELCOME - So, I'm 18 and in my first year of college. I'm going for fish and wildlife techniques and may go on to a 4 year college afterward if I make it. I'm under-motivated, clinically depressed and have severe anxiety (I'm a peach to be around!). I have a very pessimistic outlook I guess, but its hard not to! I can't see myself being able to succeed in college and getting a job I enjoy. Even if I were to get this job I would still be trapped in modern society and its rules and judgments. I have too much time on my hands my entire life and it leads to a cycle of self-hatred, doubt, and suicidal thoughts because I am trapped in a pool of quick-sand in my head, have been since 1st grade! I want to live happily by my own rules on my own terms! I wish to find a remote place to build my own home and way of life and not need to rely on others entirely like people do these days. The big thing is I want to do this and have exotic and wild animals in a state where its legal to do so without harassment. Having to worry about this is entirely unavoidable because if I don't obey such laws and I had, lets say a fox, they would take it away and kill it as they do so often. I have worked with wild animals for 3 years now and am learning what I can handle and take care of. I have worked directly with lemurs, bobcats, coatimundis, wolf dogs, red foxes, and know that my life wouldn't be complete without this interaction. I don't really have a plan, one can't plan when they don't do well in school and cant do simple jobs! I want to live simply and happily with hard work and the companionship of my animals somewhere pristine! I wish to live somewhere with a lot of bio-diversity and a stunning landscape (not Alaska, too extreme i'm not that hardcore!). For income I would maybe do fur trapping and crafts related to this. I could also do educational shows with animals as I love to teach people about animals despite hating people! I could make a small amount of income also by breeding fur animals like fox and mink, and selling small exotics that I breed. I would grow, farm, and maybe hunt my own food and not rely on outside energy. Sorry if all this isn't clear as I have a very bad headache right now!!