The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted Disease. This disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior. The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim (pronounced "gonna re-elect him.") Many victims contracted it in 2004, after having been screwed for the past 4 years, in spite of having taken measures to protect themselves from this especially troublesome disease. Cognitive sequelae of individuals infected with Gonorrhea Lectim include, but are not limited to: Anti-social personality disorder traits; delusions of grandeur with a distinct messianic flavor; chronic mangling of the English language; extreme cognitive dissonance; inability to incorporate new information; pronounced xenophobia; inability to accept responsibility for actions; exceptional cowardice masked by acts of misplaced bravado; uncontrolled facial smirking; ignorance of geography and history; tendencies toward creating evangelical theocracies; and a strong propensity for categorical, all-or-nothing behavior. The disease is sweeping Washington. Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed and baffled that this malignant disease originated only a few years ago from a Texas Bush.
Job App NAME: John Kerry RESIDENCE: 7 mansions, including Washington, DC, worth millions. EDCUATION AND EXPERIENCE: law enforcement. I voted to cut every law enforcement, CIA, and defense bill in my career as a US Senator. I even ordered Boston to remove a fire hydrant in front of my house thereby endangering all of my neighbors in the event of a fire. MILITARY: I used three MINOR injuries to get an early discharge from the military and service in Vietnam (as documented by the attending doctor) I then returned to the US, joined Jane Fonda in protesting the war and insulted returning vets, claiming that they (NOT ME) committed atrocities and called them "baby killers." I threw away my medals, ribbons, or "something" in protest: Or did I?? My new book: Vietnam Veterans Against the War: The New Soldier shows how I truly feel about the military. COLLEGE: I graduated from Yale University with a low "C" average. Unlike my counterpart, George Bush, I have no higher education and did not get admitted to Harvard nor graduate with an MBA. PAST WORK EXPERIENCE: I ran for U S Congress and have been there ever since. I have no real world experience except marrying rich women and running HJ Heinz vicariously through my wife Teresa. ACCOMPLISHMENTS: As a US Senator, I SET THE RECORD for the most liberal voting record exceeding even Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton. I have consistently failed to support our military and CIA by voting against budgets, thus gutting our country's ability to defend itself. Although I voted FOR the war in Iraq, now I am against it and I am LYING about voting FOR it, even though there are numerous records showing where I did. I voted for every liberal piece of legislation. I have NO plan to help this country but I do intend to raise taxes significantly if, I am elected. My wealth so far exceeds my counterpart, George Bush, that he will never catch up. I make little or NO charitable contributions and have NEVER agreed to pay any voluntrary taxes in MA, despite my family wealth in excess of $700 million. I (we) own 28 manufacturing plants (Heinz) outside the US in places like Asia, Mexico, and Europe. We can make more profit from the cheaper labor in those countries, although I blame Bush for sending all of the jobs out of the country. Although, I claim to be in favor of alternate energy sources, Ted Kennedy and I opposed windmills off Natucket and Martha's Vineyard as it might spoil our view of the ocean as we cruise our yachts. RECORDS AND REFERENCES: None. PERSONAL: I ride a Serotta Bike. My Gulfstream V Jet, I call "The flying Squirrel." I call my $850,000 42 foot Hinckletwin diesel yacht "Scarmouche" I am facinated by rap and hip-hop and feel it reflects our real culture. I own several "LARGE" SUV's including the one parked at my Nantucket summer mansion, though I am against large polluting inefficient vehicles and I blame George Bush for the energy problems!! Please consider all of my Anti-Americanism when you vote for you next president.
