1. The Topic of the Month for October is "Make this the Perfect Bugout Location". Please join the discussion in the TOTM forum.

New Sexually Transmitted Disease!

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by sniper-66, Oct 28, 2005.

  1. sniper-66

    sniper-66 Monkey+++ Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted Disease.

    This disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior.

    The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim (pronounced "gonna re-elect him.") Many victims contracted it in 2004, after having been screwed for the past 4 years, in spite of having taken measures to protect themselves from this especially troublesome disease.

    Cognitive sequelae of individuals infected with Gonorrhea Lectim include, but are not limited to: Anti-social personality disorder traits; delusions of grandeur with a distinct messianic flavor; chronic mangling of the English language; extreme cognitive dissonance;
    inability to incorporate new information; pronounced xenophobia; inability to accept responsibility for actions; exceptional cowardice masked by acts of misplaced bravado;
    uncontrolled facial smirking; ignorance of geography and history; tendencies toward creating evangelical theocracies; and a strong propensity for categorical, all-or-nothing behavior.

    The disease is sweeping Washington. Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed and baffled that this malignant disease originated only a few years ago from a Texas Bush.
  2. Quigley_Sharps

    Quigley_Sharps The Badministrator Administrator Founding Member

  3. ghostrider

    ghostrider Resident Poltergeist Founding Member

    Was still the lessor of two evils.
  4. sniper-66

    sniper-66 Monkey+++ Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Oh, by no doubt, I support the man, but still like a good laugh when it comes along!
  5. Quigley_Sharps

    Quigley_Sharps The Badministrator Administrator Founding Member

    Exactly my thoughts
  6. Quigley_Sharps

    Quigley_Sharps The Badministrator Administrator Founding Member

    If ya cant take a joke....................... [aiw]
  7. ghostrider

    ghostrider Resident Poltergeist Founding Member

    Job App

    NAME: John Kerry

    RESIDENCE: 7 mansions, including Washington, DC, worth millions.

    EDCUATION AND EXPERIENCE: law enforcement. I voted to cut every law enforcement, CIA, and defense bill in my career as a US Senator. I even ordered Boston to remove a fire hydrant in front of my house thereby endangering all of my neighbors in the event of a fire.

    MILITARY: I used three MINOR injuries to get an early discharge from the military and service in Vietnam (as documented by the attending doctor) I then returned to the US, joined Jane Fonda in protesting the war and insulted returning vets, claiming that they (NOT ME) committed atrocities and called them "baby killers." I threw away my medals, ribbons, or "something" in protest: Or did I??

    My new book: Vietnam Veterans Against the War: The New Soldier shows how I truly feel about the military.

    COLLEGE: I graduated from Yale University with a low "C" average. Unlike my counterpart, George Bush, I have no higher education and did not get admitted to Harvard nor graduate with an MBA.

    PAST WORK EXPERIENCE: I ran for U S Congress and have been there ever since. I have no real world experience except marrying rich women and running HJ Heinz vicariously through my wife Teresa.

    ACCOMPLISHMENTS: As a US Senator, I SET THE RECORD for the most liberal voting record exceeding even Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton. I have consistently failed to support our military and CIA by voting against budgets, thus gutting our country's ability to defend itself. Although I voted FOR the war in Iraq, now I am against it and I am LYING about voting FOR it, even though there are numerous records showing where I did. I voted for every liberal piece of legislation. I have NO plan to help this country but I do intend to raise taxes significantly if, I am elected.

    My wealth so far exceeds my counterpart, George Bush, that he will never catch up. I make little or NO charitable contributions and have NEVER agreed to pay any voluntrary taxes in MA, despite my family wealth in excess of $700 million.

    I (we) own 28 manufacturing plants (Heinz) outside the US in places like Asia, Mexico, and Europe. We can make more profit from the cheaper labor in those countries, although I blame Bush for sending all of the jobs out of the country.

    Although, I claim to be in favor of alternate energy sources, Ted Kennedy and I opposed windmills off Natucket and Martha's Vineyard as it might spoil our view of the ocean as we cruise our yachts.


    PERSONAL: I ride a Serotta Bike. My Gulfstream V Jet, I call "The flying Squirrel." I call my $850,000 42 foot Hinckletwin diesel yacht "Scarmouche" I am facinated by rap and hip-hop and feel it reflects our real culture.

    I own several "LARGE" SUV's including the one parked at my Nantucket summer mansion, though I am against large polluting inefficient vehicles and I blame George Bush for the energy problems!!

    Please consider all of my Anti-Americanism when you vote for you next president.
  8. Quigley_Sharps

    Quigley_Sharps The Badministrator Administrator Founding Member

survivalmonkey SSL seal        survivalmonkey.com warrant canary