News Flash Canada: Illegal Border Crossers.

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by 3M-TA3, Nov 14, 2016.

  1. 3M-TA3

    3M-TA3 Cold Wet Monkey Site Supporter++

    Tom Kratman
    8 hrs · Blacksburg, VA ·
    h/t MJW

    News Update from Canada
    The flood of Trump-fearing American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week.
    The Republican presidential campaign is prompting an exodus among left-leaning Americans who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, pay taxes, and live according to the Constitution.

    Canadian border residents say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, liberal arts majors, global-warming activists, and "green" energy proponents crossing their fields at night.

    "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. "He was cold, exhausted and hungry, and begged me for a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay."

    In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields, but they just stuck their fingers in their ears and kept coming. Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals just south of the border, pack them into electric cars, and drive them across the border, where they are simply left to fend for themselves after the battery dies.

    "A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an Alberta border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a single bottle of Perrier water, or any gemelli with shrimp and arugula. All they had was a nice little Napa Valley cabernet and some kale chips. When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing that they fear persecution from Trump high-hairers."

    Rumors are circulating about plans to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer, study the Constitution, and find jobs that actually contribute to the economy.

    In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans in blue-hair wigs and polyester pantsuits, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the '50s.

    "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious," an official said.

    Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage, are buying up all the Barbara Streisand CD's, and are overloading the internet while downloading jazzercise apps to their cell phones.

    "I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "After all, how many art-history majors does one country need?"
    arleigh, Dont, Withak and 14 others like this.
  2. Bandit99

    Bandit99 Monkey+++ Site Supporter+

    Tom Kratman is one of my favorite authors...I wish he would write some more books but it appears he is finished.
    Ura-Ki likes this.
  3. marlas1too

    marlas1too Monkey+++

    woopee and its about time too
    Ura-Ki likes this.
  4. Dunerunner

    Dunerunner Brewery Monkey Moderator

    Laughed myself breathless!! [LMAO]
    Ura-Ki likes this.
  5. Ura-Ki

    Ura-Ki Grampa Monkey

    Ironic isn't it! Funny none the less! Had the wife read it, and at first she thought it was an actual news story and was just about to start in, I finally had to explain it to her, boy did she laugh!!!
    Sgt Nambu and 3M-TA3 like this.
  6. Ura-Ki

    Ura-Ki Grampa Monkey

    Better stay north sweet cheeks, wouldn't wanna break a nail tryin to get back!
    3M-TA3 likes this.
  7. GOG

    GOG Free American Monkey Site Supporter

    3M-TA3 and Ura-Ki like this.
  8. Ura-Ki

    Ura-Ki Grampa Monkey

    Ugg!!!! I wonder ow many know what those were?
    3M-TA3 likes this.
  9. ghrit

    ghrit Bad company Administrator Founding Member

    Methinks it's an acronym, not a car --
    Sgt Nambu and Ura-Ki like this.
  10. Ura-Ki

    Ura-Ki Grampa Monkey

    I was remembering the Harley Davidsons built by the bowling manufacture!
    3cyl, 3M-TA3, GOG and 1 other person like this.
  11. Sgt Nambu

    Sgt Nambu RIP 4/19/2018

    Nope! Can't be Whoopi! If it was, ball and tracer would be taking chunks out of her!
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2016
    3M-TA3 and Ura-Ki like this.
  12. Withak

    Withak Monkey

    Kidding aside, why does every hypocritical Hollywood type that falsely promised to leave the country if Trump was elected, say they'll move to Canada, New Zealand, Australia? Why not Mexico? It's right next door. It's inexpensive to live there compared to Canada, and, they love the Mexican people so much they get red faced and angry at the mere suggestion that we not leave a wide-open border to allow them to come our way any time they like.

    So, what's stopping them from wanting to move to Mexico?? Could it be that it's full of Mexicans?? Sounds like these folks, mostly elitist white liberals, prefer the company of other elitist white liberals, rather than cuddling up to our southern neighbors. Hmmm....
    Ura-Ki and 3M-TA3 like this.
  13. Ura-Ki

    Ura-Ki Grampa Monkey

    That right there Withak is the Truth!!! I ask the same thing, Why not move to Mexico?
    3M-TA3 likes this.
  14. 3M-TA3

    3M-TA3 Cold Wet Monkey Site Supporter++

    Zactly - and it's where all our old jobs that didn't go to China went.... oh, sorry, liberals, jobs....crap, now they are going to protest again... better break out the crayons and puppies...
    Yard Dart and Ura-Ki like this.
  15. BTPost

    BTPost Stumpy Old Fart Snow Monkey Moderator

    Because in Mexico, the Bad Guys will KILL Them.... and there ARE some serious Bad Guys, down there...
    Yard Dart, Ura-Ki and Dont like this.
  16. DarkLight

    DarkLight Live Long and Prosper - On Hiatus Site Supporter

    Do you mean bad hombres? ;)
    Dunerunner, Ura-Ki and BTPost like this.
  17. Yard Dart

    Yard Dart Vigilant Monkey Moderator

    Dunerunner likes this.
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