Northern border alert

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by ghrit, Jun 17, 2006.


  1. ghrit

    ghrit Ambulatory anachronism Administrator Founding Member

    Manitoba (Canada) Herald

    The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada
    has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to
    stop the illegal immigration. The actions of President Bush are prompting
    the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to
    hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly.

    Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology
    professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at
    night.

    "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood
    producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield,
    whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and
    hungry.


    "He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I
    said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my
    screenplay, eh?"

    In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher
    fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that
    blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The
    liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't
    give milk."

    Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals
    near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them
    across the border and leave them to fend for themselves.

    "A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an
    Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of
    drinking water. "They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."

    When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often
    wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have
    been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education
    camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch
    NASCAR races.

    In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of
    crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus
    trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a
    half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration
    authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen
    passengers on Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney hits to prove they were alive
    in the '50s.

    "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we
    get suspicious about their age," an official said.

    Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are
    creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan
    Sarandon movies.

    "I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"

    In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close to Cheney said. "We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The President is determined to reach out," he said.
    :cool:
     
  2. Quigley_Sharps

    Quigley_Sharps The Badministrator Administrator Founding Member

    :D OHHHHHHH Man
     
  3. E.L.

    E.L. Moderator of Lead Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    If only...................
     
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