Obama Apologizes for Declaration of Independence

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by ColtCarbine, Jul 6, 2009.

  1. ColtCarbine

    ColtCarbine Monkey+++ Founding Member

    WASHINGTON (AP) - Just in time for the document’s 233rd anniversary, President Barack Obama has issued an executive order apologizing to Great Britain for America’s Declaration of Independence in 1776.

    <table> <tbody> <tr> <td> [​IMG]</td> </tr> </tbody> </table>
    “It’s time to move away from the failed policies of the past,” said Obama during a Rose Garden press conference, “and the first step is apologizing for the original sin of this nation against the sensibilities of the international community.”

    “The Declaration of Independence from the wise and benevolent guiding hand of Great Britain was, in the eyes of some, an important step,” said Obama. “But the manner in which it was handled was an affront to acceptable diplomatic norms. This crude and disparaging document heaped numerous, undeserved insults on the divine ruler of our compassionate and nurturing motherland. It used such crass and dispicable terms as ‘tyrant’ and ‘despot’ to describe the gracious tolerance of King George the Third to the aspersions and indignities heaped upon him by a cabal of ungrateful rebels.”

    “Therefore,” declared Obama, “we, the people of the United States of America, do formally apologize and ask for the forgiveness of the descendants and heirs of Great Britain’s people and monarchy.”

    Reaction to the apology was mixed.

    Vice President Joe Biden said the apology was “a good start,” but noted that if we really wanted to make amends for 233 years of disloyalty, America would have to “show our sincerity with deeds, not words”.

    “If we really want to make up with Great Britain,” said Biden, “we need to become more like them. We should adopt their health care system. And their ban on guns. And their ban on knives. Man, I hate knives… I cut myself on one last time I was in my secret undisclosed location under the old U.S. Naval Observatory… hey, this is off the record, right?”

    Queen Elizabeth the Second said that she would “consider” accepting the apology if Obama would “take back this stupid iPod and send me a Kindle 2.”
  2. ghrit

    ghrit Bad company Administrator Founding Member

    Almost fell for it. I'm gonna get even with you for that.

  3. Minuteman

    Minuteman Chaplain Moderator Founding Member

    He may not have actually said it, but he is damn well thinking it!
    Revealing how quick we are to believe that he may have said something like that. A testament to his character, or lack thereof.

    Kindle 2? Man I'm getting old. I have no clue what that is. I do know what an ipod is tho. My daughter gave me one for Fathers day. But it was broken. I dialed the thing every way possible and couldn't pick up a single station.
  4. ColtCarbine

    ColtCarbine Monkey+++ Founding Member

    I thought about removing the last sentence but didn't think it would be good to raise some of the members blood pressure too high [booze]
  5. ColtCarbine

    ColtCarbine Monkey+++ Founding Member

    You're not the only one I had no idea either until I read this elsewhere.

    Say goodbye to those cluttered bookshelves.

    Say Hello to Kindle

    Slim: Just over 1/3 of an inch, as thin as most magazines

    Lightweight: At 10.2 ounces, lighter than a typical paperback

    Wireless: 3G wireless lets you download books right from your Kindle, anytime, anywhere; no monthly fees, service plans, or hunting for Wi-Fi hotspots

    Books in Under 60 Seconds: Get books delivered in less than 60 seconds; no PC required

    Paper-like Display: Reads like real paper; now boasts 16 shades of gray for clear text and even crisper images

    Longer Battery Life: 25% longer battery life; read for days without recharging

    More Storage: Take your library with you; holds over 1,500 books

    Faster Page Turns: 20% faster page turns

    Read-to-Me: With the new text-to-speech feature, Kindle can read every newspaper, magazine, blog, and book out loud to you, unless the book's rights holder made the feature unavailable

    Large Selection: Over 300,000 books plus U.S. and international newspapers, magazines, and blogs available

    Low Book Prices: New York Times Best Sellers and New Releases $9.99, unless marked otherwise

  6. ColtCarbine

    ColtCarbine Monkey+++ Founding Member

    I'll admit it had me going up until the end. Doesn't say much for the POTUS character that's for sure, almost believable. Sad part is how this resembles how the media works.
  7. Tango3

    Tango3 Aimless wanderer

    Near miss..[nono]
  8. Seawolf1090

    Seawolf1090 Retired Curmudgeonly IT Monkey Founding Member

    Had me going...... sounds EXACTLY what bobo would say..... :rolleyes:
  9. dragonfly

    dragonfly Monkey+++

    I'd like to APOLOGIZE to all of humanity, for the ignorance and rhetoric which has been spouted from the mouths of so many politicians over the past few decades!
    "there oughta be a law".......
survivalmonkey SSL seal        survivalmonkey.com warrant canary