Oil Changing Instructions

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by CRC, Dec 12, 2005.

  1. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member


    1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change.

    2. Drink a cup of coffee.

    3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.


    1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for 50 dollars for oil, filter, oil lift (AKA kitty litter), hand cleaner and scented tree.

    2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.

    3. Open a beer and drink it.

    4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

    5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

    6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

    7. Place drain pan under engine.

    8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

    9. Give up and use crescent wrench.

    10. Unscrew drain plug.

    11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.

    12. Clean up.

    13. Have another beer while oil is draining.

    14. Look for oil filter wrench.

    15. Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips screwdriver and twist it off.

    16. Beer.

    17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow.

    18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.

    19. Throw oil lift (AKA kitty litter) on oil spilled during step 18.

    20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.

    21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.

    22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.

    23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

    24. Remember drain plug from step 11.

    25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

    26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains onto floor.

    27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.

    28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.

    29. Begin cussing fit.

    30. Throw wrench.

    31. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December 1992.

    32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.

    33. Beer.

    34. Beer.

    35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.

    36. Beer.

    37. Lower car from jack stands.

    38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.

    39. Move car back to apply more oil lift (AKA kitty litter) to fresh oil spilled during step 23.

    40. Drive car

    disclaimer:NONE of our guys would ever do this. [ROFL]
  2. sniper-66

    sniper-66 Monkey+++ Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Yes, that may be absolutely true, but time for us men to turn the tables on you women and use your logic against you, and I quote: "Yes dear, but I saved us money"
  3. Quigley_Sharps

    Quigley_Sharps The Badministrator Administrator Founding Member

  4. ghrit

    ghrit Bad company Administrator Founding Member

    Careful there, the savings went to beer. (Not a BAD thing, by any means ---)
  5. Valkman

    Valkman Knifemaker Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Back when I drank that was a pretty accurate description of the job. No kid at Jiffy Lube was touching my car when I could screw it up myself!

    Now Jiffy Lube keeps an eye out for me - last time I went there the waiting room is packed and I'm stuck standing there waiting for someone to fill out the info thing so I can leave. I'm disabled with bad feet and after 10 minutes of standing there I was pretty pissed off so I went back out to my truck, told them the problem (they could care less) and that they were a bunch of idiots and peeled out of there. Might have said a few bad words too. :p Screw Jiffy Lube!
  6. sniper-66

    sniper-66 Monkey+++ Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Y'all are right, I didn't finish the statement. .....saved us money, so I bought myself a (insert item here) Beer if you like [beer]
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