On The First Day

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Yard Dart, Jan 24, 2021.

  1. Yard Dart

    Yard Dart Vigilant Monkey Moderator

    On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
    The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
    And God saw it was good.
    On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
    The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"
    And God, again saw it was good.
    On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."
    The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"
    And God agreed it was good.
    On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."
    But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back,
    the ten the monkey gave back,
    and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"
    "Okay," said God, "You asked for it."
    So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves.
    For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family.
    For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren.
    And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
    Life has now been explained to you.
    There is no need to thank me for this valuable information.
    I'm doing it as a public service.
    If you are looking for me I will be on the front porch...
  2. Cruisin Sloth

    Cruisin Sloth Special & Slow

    Bark BarK Bro
    Tully Mars, Dunerunner, SB21 and 5 others like this.
  3. ditch witch

    ditch witch I do stupid crap, so you don't have to

    I'm a premature porch barker.
  4. SB21

    SB21 Monkey+++

    Me and DW must be the same age ,, add grouchy to that as well.
    Gator 45/70, Meat, Lancer and 3 others like this.
  5. Seawolf1090

    Seawolf1090 Retired Curmudgeonly IT Monkey Founding Member

    I've been barking on my porch for a few years now.
    Dunerunner, Gator 45/70, Meat and 2 others like this.
  6. oldawg

    oldawg Monkey+++

    Try UNDER the porch. Much cooler in the shade and the barking scares the bejeezus outta them that don't know you're there.
    Gator 45/70, Meat, techsar and 4 others like this.
  7. techsar

    techsar Monkey+++

    Just great...now I have to build a porch... ;)
    john316, oldawg, Dunerunner and 4 others like this.
  8. Gator 45/70

    Gator 45/70 Monkey+++

    Great, Just lovely, When do we start dagg'n dat azz across the front lawn?
    Dunerunner, Yard Dart and SB21 like this.
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