Painting the Church

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by ghrit, Mar 6, 2013.

  1. ghrit

    ghrit Bad company Administrator Founding Member

    There was a Scottish painter named Smokey MacGregor who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.

    As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the local church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of one of their biggest buildings.

    Smokey put in a bid, and, because his price was so low, he got the job.

    So he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with turpentine.........

    Well, Smokey was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, the sky opened, and the rain poured down washing the thinned paint from all over the church and knocking Smokey clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.

    Smokey was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got down on his knees and cried:

    "Oh, God, Oh God, forgive me; what should I do?"

    And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke.

    (you're going to love this)

    "Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!"

    "Blessed are the cracked, for they are the ones who let in the light."
    duane, SB21, Gator 45/70 and 8 others like this.
  2. NotSoSneaky

    NotSoSneaky former supporter

    Seawolf1090, oldawg and chelloveck like this.
  3. fmhuff

    fmhuff Monkey+++

    Thanks, Gotta laugh out of that one.
  4. Cruisin Sloth

    Cruisin Sloth Special & Slow

    MacGregor must know O’Malley !!!

    Father O’Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was
    a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish. He walked to the
    window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the day outside. He
    then noticed there was a mule lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly
    called the local police station. The conversation went like this:“POLICE !!, Sergeant Jones here ”“And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O’Malley at St. Ann’s Catholic Church. There’s a old mule jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye
    be so kind as to send a couple o’yer lads to take care of the matter?”Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the foreign accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father,
    replied, “Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took
    care of the last rites!”There was dead silence on the line for a long moment…….
    Father O’Malley then replied: “Aye,’tis certainly true; but we are also
    obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call.”
  5. Cruisin Sloth

    Cruisin Sloth Special & Slow

    O'Malleys Kin Theses are just jokes , No disrespect for you or your ' s

    During his golfing vacation at Martha's Vineyard ,
    Obama had been slicing off the tee on every hole.
    He asked his Scottish caddy if he has noticed any obvious reasons

    for his poor tee shots, to which the caddy replies:

    "Aye, there's a piece of shyt on the end of yer driver. "

    The President picks up his driver and cleans the club face,
    at which point the caddy says:

    "Nae, the other end."
    Theses are just jokes , No disrespect for you or your ' s sloth
    SB21 and Gator 45/70 like this.
  6. Witch Doctor 01

    Witch Doctor 01 Mojo Maker

    Jock once attended a Temperance lecture given by Scotland's top medical man, a noted anti-drink campaigner. The speaker began by placing a live, wriggling worm in a glass of whisky. After a moment or two it died and sank to the bottom.
    The speaker said quietly to the audience, "Now my friends, what does this tell us?"
    Jock piped up, "If you drink whisky you'll not be bothered by worms!"
    SB21 and Gator 45/70 like this.
  7. john316

    john316 Monkey+++

  8. Tempstar

    Tempstar Pray for BT

    So O'Brian the church custodian was out front screaming "F*ck Off! F*ck off!" at the pigeons who were soiling the freshly cleaned statues. It was then that Father Micheal walked out of the church.
    He told an embarrassed O'brian "Ye needn't be yellin' such as that"
    O'Brian said "Sorry father, It's just that these pigeons soil the statues every day"
    Father Micheal replied "Well, all you need do is go Shoo! Shoo!, and they'll f*ck off on their own!"
    SB21 and Gator 45/70 like this.
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