Patriotic Stimulus Package....

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by CRC, Sep 26, 2009.

  1. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Sometime this year, we taxpayers may again receive an Economic Stimulus payment. This is a very exciting program. I'll explain it using the Q and A format:

    Q. What is an Economic Stimulus payment?

    A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

    Q. Where will the government get this money?

    A. From taxpayers.

    Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?

    A. Only a smidgen.

    Q. What is the purpose of this payment?

    A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

    Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?

    A. Shut up.

    Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

    • If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China


    • If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.

    • If you purchase a computer, it will go to India.

    • If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala .

    • If you buy a car, it will go to Japan or Korea.

    • If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.

    • If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

    Instead, keep the money in America by:

    1 spending it at yard sales, or

    2 going to ball games, or

    3 spending it on prostitutes, or

    4 beer or

    5 tattoos.

    (These are the only American businesses still operating in the US )


    Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day.

  2. RouteClearance

    RouteClearance Monkey+++

    Can't argue with that!
  3. Tango3

    Tango3 Aimless wanderer

    :) ! but we need to repay China for buying our debt for so long....
  4. Allen

    Allen Monkey+

    If you go to a Chinese resturaunt, who gets the credit?
  5. dragonfly

    dragonfly Monkey+++

    Now I'm confused!
    ( like that's never happened before...RIGHT!)
    Stimulus: something that gets politicians all hot and bothered and the rest of us get the shaft!
    I just heard tonight that the newest outrage was that 1.9 billion dollars went to stimulate the economy of China to help their unemployed.....
    Just when was it that we lost all control?
survivalmonkey SSL seal warrant canary