Performance Review

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Conagher, Sep 15, 2005.

  1. Conagher

    Conagher Dark Custom Rider Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    Performance Review

    For everyone who has ever had to write an evaluation or performance

    These are actual quotes taken from United States Federal Government
    employee performance evaluations.

    1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom &
    has started to dig."

    2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

    3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of
    definite won't be."

    4. "Works well when under constant supervision & cornered like a
    rat in a trap."

    5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change

    7. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

    8. "He sets low personal standards & then consistently fails to
    achieve them."

    9. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

    10. "This employee should go far, & the sooner he starts, the

    11. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all

    12. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary

    13. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

    14. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

    15. "He's been working with glue too much."

    16. "He would argue with a signpost."

    17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

    18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

    19. "If you see two people talking & one looks bored, he's the
    other one."

    20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

    21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

    22. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

    23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't

    24. "He's got two brain cells, one is lost & the other is out
    looking for it."

    25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a

    26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change! .."

    27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

    28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."

    29. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

    30. "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60-minutes'."

    31. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead"
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