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Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Cruisin Sloth, Aug 8, 2014.

  1. Cruisin Sloth

    Cruisin Sloth Special & Slow


    I never knew one word in English language
    that can be a noun, verb, adj, adv, prep. UP

    two-letter word in English has more
    meanings than any other two-letter word, and that
    word is UP.' It is listed in
    dictionary as an [adv], [prep], [adj], (n) or [v].

    It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at
    the top
    of the list, but when we awaken in the morning,
    why do we wake UP?

    At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we
    speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election (if
    there is a tie, it is a toss UP)
    and why is it UP to the secretary to
    write UP a report? We call UP our friends,
    brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver,
    warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We
    lock UP the house and fix UP the old car.

    At other times, this little word has
    real special meaning. People stir UP trouble,
    line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and
    think UP excuses.

    To be dressed is one thing but to be
    dressed UP is special.

    And this UP is confusing: A
    drain must be opened UP because it is blocked

    We open UP a store in the
    morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty
    mixed UP about UP!

    To be knowledgeable about the proper
    uses of UP, look UP the
    word UP in the dictionary. In a
    dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can
    add UP to about thirty definitions.

    If you are UP to it, you might try
    building UP a list of the many
    ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your
    time, but if you don't give UP, you may
    wind UP with (UP to) a hundred or more.

    When it threatens to rain, we say it
    is clouding UP. When the sun comes out, we say
    it is
    clearing UP. When it rains, it
    soaks UP the earth. When it does not rain
    for awhile, things dry UP. One could go on
    and on,
    but I'll wrap it UP, for now . . . My time
    is UP!

    Oh . . . One
    more thing: What is
    the first thing you do in the morning and the last
    thing you do at night?



    Did that one
    crack you UP?

    Now I'll shut UP!
    GOG, kellory, NotSoSneaky and 3 others like this.
  2. Seacowboys

    Seacowboys Senior Member Founding Member

    Up the ante
    Last edited: Aug 9, 2014
  3. kellory

    kellory An unemployed Jester, is nobody's fool. Banned

    Up yours?;)
  4. ghrit

    ghrit Ambulatory anachronism Administrator Founding Member

    Not a verb there, it's an adverb for "jam (it)" :D Colloquial usage.
  5. kellory

    kellory An unemployed Jester, is nobody's fool. Banned

    "Jam" in that usage is clearly an action, therefore a verb. Up yours, clearly implies movement, so I'm leaning toward verb :D
  6. ghrit

    ghrit Ambulatory anachronism Administrator Founding Member

    Yep, jam is the verb. Up modifies jam to say where. "Jam up", as a two word verb doesn't help. Colloquial use allows for omission of words in a clearly commonly used phrase. (Another example of leaving out words in common phrases is "jam it.")
    kellory likes this.
  7. kellory

    kellory An unemployed Jester, is nobody's fool. Banned

    Up to no good?;)
  8. kellory

    kellory An unemployed Jester, is nobody's fool. Banned

    "UP end" to toss or mess up, to turn over....:D
  9. VisuTrac

    VisuTrac Ваша мать носит военные ботинки Site Supporter+++

    Shortest sentence in the english language:
    "I am."

    Longest sentence in the english language:
    "I do!"
    Mountainman and Cruisin Sloth like this.
  10. Cruisin Sloth

    Cruisin Sloth Special & Slow

    Nomenclature !! :)
    Ya Got me ! !!

    1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The
    ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

    2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you,
    but don't start anything."

    3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

    4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

    5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:
    "A beer please, and one for the road."

    6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this
    taste funny to you?"

    7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That
    sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not

    8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.. Daisy says to
    Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe
    you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

    9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to
    look at either.

    10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

    11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
    find any.

    12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
    "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"The doc tor replied, "I know you
    can't - I've cut off your arms!"

    13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

    14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

    15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall.The one turns to the other and
    says "Dam!"

    16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
    the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't
    have your kayak and heat it too.

    17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
    in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about
    an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
    "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't
    stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

    18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
    to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in
    Spain ; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of
    himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her
    husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband
    responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

    19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
    produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
    little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered
    from bad breath. This made him. (this is so ba d, it's good. . ) A super
    calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

    20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to
    his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them
    laugh. No pun in ten did.
    kellory likes this.
  11. kellory

    kellory An unemployed Jester, is nobody's fool. Banned

    Heard them all, but still got a grin.;)
  12. cdnboy66

    cdnboy66 Monkey++

    How about "take"
    take care
    take a breath
    take a minute
    take a break
    take a while
    what's your take on it
    who's going to take care of this
    take one for the team
    he's on the take

    " I have to go take a dump"

    I mean....seriously...it's one of those words that doesn't even look like it's spelled right
  13. kellory

    kellory An unemployed Jester, is nobody's fool. Banned

    Calm down and take your time....
    cdnboy66 likes this.
  14. Seacowboys

    Seacowboys Senior Member Founding Member

    Up denotes 'raise" a verb.
  15. kellory

    kellory An unemployed Jester, is nobody's fool. Banned

    How about "left"? You can be left off left behind, left of center as you come from left field, and count change left handed to see what's left over.
  16. cdnboy66

    cdnboy66 Monkey++

    How about "in"
    noun, preposition, adverb and adjective
    in the black
    in trouble
    in left field
    in to it
    in the money
    in deep

    in like Flynn

    and as a prefix


    Love this language, indescribable in its complexities
  17. kellory

    kellory An unemployed Jester, is nobody's fool. Banned

    Do you even know WHY you might be "in like Flynn"?;)
  18. cdnboy66

    cdnboy66 Monkey++

    nope....not a clue.....but I like to say it, makes me feel "special"

    wait...didn't we do the " in like Flynn" in another thread a while back??
  19. kellory

    kellory An unemployed Jester, is nobody's fool. Banned

    I could IN-lighten you. It dates and relates to Errol Flynn.
    No party was complete without Flynn, and he was famous for his grand entrances, such as swinging in on a chandelier, or diving from a balcony. Flynn had a standing "IN" or IN-vatation at every Hollywood party.
    So if you were "in like Flynn", you could not be denied entrance anywhere.
    cdnboy66 likes this.
  20. ghrit

    ghrit Ambulatory anachronism Administrator Founding Member

    That would properly be ENlighten --
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