Press Release by The Fed

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by melbo, Jan 31, 2008.

  1. melbo

    melbo Hunter Gatherer Administrator Founding Member

    FOMC Press Release -- Uncensored!

    Release Date: January 30, 2008 For immediate release

    The Federal Open Market Committee decided today to lower its target for the
    federal funds rate 50 basis points to 3 percent. Our intent is to further weaken
    the dollar and increase inflation.

    Financial markets remain under considerable stress due to the dawning
    realization that trillions of dollars in mortgage debt is never going to be
    repaid. Credit has tightened further for some businesses and households, but of
    course diligent savers don't need our credit, those tightwads. We will just have
    to keep reducing the value of their savings until it's pretty much zero, won't
    we? Moreover, recent information indicates that house prices continue to fall,
    which means less debt for Federal Reserve Member Banks to earn interest on, and
    therefore lower profits. Unacceptable!

    The Committee doesn't give a hoot about inflation in coming quarters, but for
    political reasons it will pretend to monitor inflation developments. In
    particular, it will to pretend to care about the millions of elderly on fixed
    incomes. If they ever figure out what we're doing to their savings, they might
    vote for Ron Paul.

    Today's policy action, combined with those taken earlier, should help to keep
    debt slaves at their desks and to mitigate the risks to the wealthiest 1%.
    However, downside risks to CEO bonuses remain, such as people saving their money
    and not spending it on useless crap or overpriced housing. The Committee will
    continue to assess the effects of financial and other developments on economic
    prospects and will act in a timely manner as needed to address those risks.
    Especially the risk that too many people might escape a lifetime of debt.

    Voting for the FOMC monetary policy action were: Ben S. Bernanke, Chairman;
    Timothy F. Geithner, Vice Chairman; Donald L. Kohn; Randall S. Kroszner;
    Frederic S. Mishkin; Sandra Pianalto; Charles I. Plosser; Gary H. Stern; and
    Kevin M. Warsh. Voting against was Richard W. Fisher, who preferred no change
    in the target for the federal funds rate at this meeting, that wuss. We stomped
    him in the vote.

    In a related action, the Board of Governors unanimously approved a
    50-basis-point decrease in the discount rate to 3-1/2 percent, because we can.
    In taking this action, the Board approved the requests submitted by the Boards
    of Directors of the Federal Reserve Banks of Boston, New York, Philadelphia,
    Cleveland, Atlanta, Chicago, St. Louis, Kansas City, and San Francisco. That makes it all seem more legitimate.
  2. Seacowboys

    Seacowboys Senior Member Founding Member

    I am not sure whether to laugh or go get my gun.[booze]
  1. DarkLight
  2. Seacowboys
  3. melbo
  4. Brokor
  5. Huntinbull
  6. Attala
  7. overbore
  8. Minuteman
  9. Quigley_Sharps
  10. melbo
  11. melbo
  12. melbo
  13. Brokor
survivalmonkey SSL seal warrant canary