Recently Approved Drugs....

Anti-talksident - A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used
on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total
strangers.

St. Mom's Wart - Plant extract that treats Mom's depression by
rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.

Empty Nestrogen - Highly effective suppository that eliminates
melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as
teenagers and how you couldn't wait til they moved out.

Peptobimbo - Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups
Swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases
Intelligence and improves flirting.

Dumerol - When taken with Peptobimbo can cause dangerously low I.Q.
causing enjoyment of country western music.

Flipitor - Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling
road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

Antiboyotics - When administered to teenage girls is highly
Effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines and reducing money spent
on makeup.

Menicillin - Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases
resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better
person... can we get naked now?"

Buyagra - Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases
potency and duration of spending spree.

Extra Strength Buy-one-all - When combined with Buyagra can cause
an indiscriminant buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come
home with a Donny Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.

Jack Asspirin - Relieves the headache caused by people who can't
remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.

Sexcedrin - Bedroom aerosol spray for men. More effective than
Excedrin in treating the, "Not now dear, I have a headache," syndrome.

Ragamet - When administered to a husband provides the same
Irritation as ragging on him all weekend saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.

Men-Gay - A rub-in ointment that enables single women to identify
Who to cross off the dating pool.