Anti-talksident - A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers. St. Mom's Wart - Plant extract that treats Mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours. Empty Nestrogen - Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait til they moved out. Peptobimbo - Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups Swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases Intelligence and improves flirting. Dumerol - When taken with Peptobimbo can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of country western music. Flipitor - Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers. Antiboyotics - When administered to teenage girls is highly Effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines and reducing money spent on makeup. Menicillin - Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person... can we get naked now?" Buyagra - Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree. Extra Strength Buy-one-all - When combined with Buyagra can cause an indiscriminant buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donny Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura. Jack Asspirin - Relieves the headache caused by people who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number. Sexcedrin - Bedroom aerosol spray for men. More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now dear, I have a headache," syndrome. Ragamet - When administered to a husband provides the same Irritation as ragging on him all weekend saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself. Men-Gay - A rub-in ointment that enables single women to identify Who to cross off the dating pool.