Reducing the deficit...

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by CRC, Jul 10, 2007.

  1. CRC

    CRC Survivor of Tidal Waves | RIP 7-24-2015 Moderator Emeritus Founding Member

    June 21, 2007: Washington, DC (AP) -- Congress today announced that
    the office of President of the United States of America will be
    outsourced to India as of July 1, 2007. The move is being made in order to save the Presidents $500,000 yearly salary, and also a record $521 Billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead that the office has
    incurred during the last 5 years. We believe this is a wise financial move.
    The cost savings are huge, stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). We cannot remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay, Reynolds noted.

    Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of his termination.
    Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time.

    Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will assume the
    office of President as of July 1, 2007. Mr. Singh was born in the
    United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, NY, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month, but no health coverage or other benefits. It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when few offices of the US Government will be open. Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the Dell Computer call center, stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be president. A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of
    President, this should not be a problem as President Bush had never been
    familiar with the issues either.

    Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to
    respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issue at all. We know these scripting tools work, stated the spokesperson. President Bush has used them successfully for years,
    with the result that some people actually thought he knew what he was
    talking about.

    Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his
    final day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he will be
    eligible for $140 a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he
    will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will
    exceed the allowed limit. Mr. Bush has been provided with the outpla cement services of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new position due to a lack of any successful work experience during his lifetime. A Greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Mr Bush's extensive experience at shaking hands, as well as his special smile.

    I wonder if the new President knows the support guy I talk to for Dell, or Sprint.... [LMAO]
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