Rocket Science

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Rocky Road Lerp, Nov 7, 2015.


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  1. Rocky Road Lerp

    Rocky Road Lerp Monkey+

    My daughter and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 bill.
    Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c.
    She said, 'you gave me too much money.'
    I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar coin back.'
    She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.
    I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said 'We're sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.'
    The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.
    Do not confuse the people at MacD's.

    We had to have the garage door repaired.
    The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
    I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
    He shook his head and said, 'You need a 1/4 horsepower.'
    I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two.'
    We haven't used that repairman since...

    I live in a semi rural area.
    We recently had a new neighbor call the local city council office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.
    The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'
    IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE.
    My daughter went to a Mexican fast food and ordered a taco.
    She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
    He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

    I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
    'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
    To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
    He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

    The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it's safe to cross the street.
    I was crossing with an 'intellectually challenged' co-worker of mine.
    She asked if I knew what the beeper was for.
    I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
    Appalled, she responded, 'what on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
    She is a government employee.....

    When my husband and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a
    service, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
    We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door.
    As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
    ‘Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'
    His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'
    STAY ALERT!
    They walk among us, they breed, and they vote…....
     
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2015
    srchdawg, NVBeav, pearlselby and 9 others like this.
  2. I once stepped up to the counter at "Mickey D's", and the young lady asked "May I help anyone?", and I just couldn't resist: I said "Why yes, there are starving children in Afghanistan, would you like to make a donation"?

    She looked like there was a spider dangling in front of her, frozen solid; I couldn't help but look at her shirt to see if there was a numbered light like I saw on Star Treck once, with the light flashing to tell Norman to coordinate all the robots.

    I think I could have waited for an hour, and that young lady would have been still frozen in place.

    That's a real concern: too many dear friends are at risk from careless motorists. Some neighborhoods even have signs to warn drivers: see, for example, Dear Crossing
     
  3. Rocky Road Lerp

    Rocky Road Lerp Monkey+

    Good eye! Edited
     
  4. Legion489

    Legion489 Shining the Light of Truth

    Those would be funny if they hadn't happened to me a few times. Like walking into a fabric shop and asking for 1/3 yard of this, one half yard of that. Watch the blank look of fear creep over their face (usually young girls) and then watch the old women who work there shake their heads and come do it for you.
     
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2015
  5. UncleMorgan

    UncleMorgan I eat vegetables. My friends are not vegetables.

    What's fun is when you have an $86.00 total at the DIY store and give them a $100.00 bill and they give you $118.00 back in change.

    And then when you tell them they gave you too much change back they look at you like you just called them a very naughty name and say "No, I didn't!"

    Sometimes I guess ya just gotta go with the flow...
     
  6. DKR

    DKR Interesting ideas, interesting stories

    LOL

    I pay for minor items with $2 bills. My wife orders $100 at a time from the bank for the G-kids birthdays etc - so I usually have a couple in my wallet.

    I handed the kid behind the counter and he looked it over. In a real serious voice he said "Mister, passing counterfeit money is a felony."

    I was polite. "True, it is a serious crime - better call your manager. Show him the bill"

    The manager was still yelling when I walked out the door. Poor kid - a simple explanation would have been better...
     
    Last edited: Nov 9, 2015
    Ganado, ghrit and BTPost like this.
  7. oldawg

    oldawg Monkey+++

    No DKR, lesson learned hard, lesson learned well.
     
  8. ghrit

    ghrit Ambulatory anachronism Administrator Founding Member

    Makes you wonder, doesn't it? I mean why were $2 bills ever invented. (I know, but it's fun to see the flummoxed look on kid's faces since they don't see many. Save a couple, some day they will be real collector's items.)
     
  9. Ganado

    Ganado Monkey+++

    now try handing them a newer (not the true ones) silver dollar
     
    oldawg likes this.
  10. DKR

    DKR Interesting ideas, interesting stories

    Actually, a local mint turned out some 1 OZ silver rounds for the tourist trade. For several years, they put a Seal of the State of Alaska on the obverse side. (Illegally i would add) Back when silver tanked, I bought a handful.

    Now, when I go Outside, I'll pull one out to pay for a soda or that. I get a "WTF is that?"

    "Why, it's an Alaska Dollar. Not sure of the exchange rate right now. I think it's like 50 to 1."

    "What?!?"

    "50 US to one Alaska dollar... Oh, wait, you only take US money? Here..." I pick up the round and drop a saw buck.

    Hilarity ensues....
     
    Witch Doctor 01, Ganado and kellory like this.
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  6. Witch Doctor 01
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  9. Witch Doctor 01
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  12. ghrit
  13. UncleMorgan
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  16. Legion489
  17. Witch Doctor 01
  18. Salted Weapon
    [ATTACH]
    Thread by: Salted Weapon, Jun 9, 2016, 33 replies, in forum: Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions
  19. Yard Dart
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