Rodent Indicted for Bad Wx Call......

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by BTPost, Mar 22, 2013.


  1. BTPost

    BTPost Old Fart Snow Monkey Moderator

    Punxsutawney Phil 'indicted' over spring forecast

    CINCINNATI (AP) — Famed groundhog Punxsutawney Phil might want to go back into hibernation.
    Authorities in still-frigid Ohio have issued an "indictment" of the furry rodent, who predicted an early spring when he didn't see his shadow after emerging from his western Pennsylvania lair on Feb. 2.
    "Punxsutawney Phil did purposely, and with prior calculation and design, cause the people to believe that spring would come early," Mike Gmoser, the prosecutor in southwestern Ohio's Butler County, wrote in an official-looking indictment.
    Gmoser wrote that Punxsutawney Phil is charged with misrepresentation of spring, which constitutes a felony "against the peace and dignity of the state of Ohio."
    The penalty Phil faces? Gmoser says — tongue firmly in cheek — is death.
    Punxsutawney Phil does not have a listed phone number.
    Bill Deeley, president of the Punxsutawney club that organizes Groundhog Day, said Phil has a lawyer and would fight any extradition attempt by Ohio authorities.
    Deeley defended his fur-bearing associate and said the death penalty was "very harsh" given the nature of the allegations.
    "We'll have to plead our case one way or the other, but I think we can beat the rap," Deeley said.
    The vitriolic backlash on social media to Phil's dead-wrong prognostication has not gone unnoticed in and around Gobbler's Knob, Deeley said, and special security precautions were in place.
    "Right next to where Phil stays is the police station," he said. "They've been notified and they said they will keep watching their monitors."
    Winter has been dragging on in the Buckeye State and surrounding areas, with daily high temperatures this week hovering in the mid-30s and no end in sight for about 10 days, said Don Hughes, a meteorologist with the National Weather Service in Wilmington, Ohio.
    A storm moving into the region Sunday could bring between 4 and 8 inches of snow, he said.
    "It's taking too long," Hughes said, adding that he's hearing plenty of complaints from colleagues and neighbors about the late spring. "Most people I've talked to say they've had enough. They want spring. They're looking for colors and sunshine and Easter lilies."
    The frigid temperatures and snow might be particularly hard to swallow after last spring, when the U.S. saw the warmest March in recorded history. Highs in the Cincinnati area, for instance, were well into the 80s.
    Hughes said this spring isn't nearly the coldest on record but that the area is about 5 degrees below normal.
    Gmoser's indictment made no mention of a possible co-conspirator in the false prediction of early spring, Ohio's own forecasting groundhog, Buckeye Chuck.
    Chuck also failed to see his shadow when he emerged from his burrow on Feb. 2 in Marion in north-central Ohio.
     
  2. Pax Mentis

    Pax Mentis Philosopher King Site Supporter

    Lots of luck on proving intent...
     
    kellory and BTPost like this.
  3. DMGoddess

    DMGoddess Monkey+

    Oh brother. I hope this is just a publicity stunt, and not a real lawsuit. I mean, he could be going after REAL criminals, and he wastes time with a rodent?
     
  4. DarkLight

    DarkLight I self identify as a Blackhawk Attack Helicopter! Site Supporter

    Call me a grammar Nazi but damn, the whole article is full of stuff like this too. Either there is no end in sight or something like no relief for at least 10 days, not no end in sight for at least ten days...

    /rant off
     
  5. Tracy

    Tracy Insatiably Curious Moderator Founding Member

    They shouldn't depend on a rodent for meteorological services.
     
  6. Seacowboys

    Seacowboys Senior Member Founding Member

    Punxsutawney Phil, the King of the Groundhogs was found dead from an apparent self-inflicted gunshot wound after predicting an early spring. phil.
     
  7. kellory

    kellory An unemployed Jester, is nobody's fool. Banned

    Wouldn't that be better handled by the BAR assoc.?;)
     
  8. techsar

    techsar Monkey+++

    Obviously a case of rodentcide. Every knew Phil was right-pawed...not to mention someone removed the spent casing from the weapon post-mortem...[gone]
     
    kellory likes this.
  9. Silversnake

    Silversnake Silverback

    Just have the LA SWAT team set his burrow on fire. Case settled.
     
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