1. The Topic of the Month for October is "Make this the Perfect Bugout Location". Please join the discussion in the TOTM forum.

Rules For the Ladies

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by ghostrider, Mar 12, 2006.

  1. ghostrider

    ghostrider Resident Poltergeist Founding Member

    Q. What are the rules and regulations for hunting the males of the species?
    A. Hunting the Elusive Male: The following guidance is provided for the predatory female in the hopes of preventing unfortunate hunting accidents.

    Males may be hunted year-round, although best results are typically achieved in the Spring as they emerge from the winter sports-watching hibernation period. Fall hunts are more difficult unless the huntress is prepared to bait the quarry with copious amounts of beer, snack food, and promises of sex over the winter sports season. Interestingly enough, male humans are always in the rut, so this condition can be used to the huntress' advantage.

    Methods of Take:
    Weapons (guns, knives, clubs) are prohibited except for self-defense against enraged victims. Males who rise in response to such threats are to be rejected.
    Bait-and-Switch tactics are illegal. The huntress may not act as the agent for another, less aggressive female. You hunt it, you live with it is the basic rule of engagement.
    Any lure may be used, although certain artificial enhancements (silicone, cotton padding) are dangerous as they will be revealed when getting close to the prey.
    Any male above the age of eighteen is fair game if not already claimed by another huntress. Hunting of underage game is similarly prohibited, as these specimens are still dependant on their mommas. Hunting overage males is counterproductive unless only material gains are desired.
    Fighting over claimed prey is considered unsports-personlike, even though such fights may excite the prey.
    Trapping using the honey pot technique is considered unsports-personlike. This causes a hormone-driven response in the prey, which is frequently transitory or false, and/or lead to years of frustration and mutual disappointment.
    Intended prey must be unrelated to the huntress unless the hunt will be consummated in West Virginia.
    Multiple males may be hunted at any given time. However, bagging more than one at a time, while exciting for the huntress, can cause fighting among the prey and cause the huntress to acquire a damaged reputation which will surely affect future hunts.
    There are no monetary or time constraints on the hunt or huntress.
    Males are territorial; plan accordingly. If the huntress is caught stalking any particular male, that male may become possessive for no apparent reason. The huntress must be gentle and maybe even a little bit subversive about taking over the male's life and changing everything as he now knows it to suit her needs.
    Males may, for no apparent reason, ignore the huntress' advances. This can be damaging to the huntress' ego. Don't let it be- these strange males are probably hunting other males as well. Move on to other prey.
    A previously captured and released male may prove to be simultaneously shy and wily. Beware! Although claiming to be tough and rational, these creatures are truly fragile and can easily be wounded by careless huntresses. Such males may be permanently damaged and may prove to be poor sport.

    Bag Limits:
    There is no bag limit for males unless you are forced to tag an individual male with a ring. Ring to be placed on males second finger of left hand and similar ring to be worn on huntress' hand signifying successful capture. Validation of commitment tag performed by minister.
  2. Quigley_Sharps

    Quigley_Sharps The Badministrator Administrator Founding Member

survivalmonkey SSL seal        survivalmonkey.com warrant canary