Southern Smiles Y'all

Discussion in 'Humor - Jokes - Games and Diversions' started by Mountainman, Feb 15, 2012.

  1. Mountainman

    Mountainman Großes Mitglied Site Supporter+++

    A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.

    "Where's Henry?" the others asked.

    "Henry had a stroke o' some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.

    "You left Henry layin' out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired.

    "A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one's gonna steal Henry!"


    The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

    He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"

    The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."


    A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana..."

    When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana 'cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world."


    The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"

    Bubba replied, "Did y'all see who it was?"

    The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."

    North Carolina

    A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.

    A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.

    The man replied, "I got a flat tahr."

    The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"

    The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither."


    A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"

    The driver replied, "Bout whut?"


    The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head."

    "Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.' "


    Y'all kin say whut y'all want 'about the South, but y'all never heard o' nobody retirin' an' movin' North.

  2. BTPost

    BTPost Stumpy Old Fart,Deadman Walking, Snow Monkey Moderator

    Well that isn't True for Momma and I... When I reTIRED, I moved from Seattle to Alaska.... and that is definitely North....
  3. chelloveck

    chelloveck Diabolus Causidicus

    Southern hospitality...and Southern logic

    Mountainman...I sure have heard of Southern "hospitality", and who knows, I may one day be in a place to avail myself of it if offered....but Southern "logic" sure takes the in New South Wales, we have a place called Nimbin, where folks kinda think the same ways.

    Nimbin MardiGrass - NSW Cannabis Laws

    P.S. if you plan on coming to your own due diligence as to the applicable laws in each state. Airports and other points of international of entry come of course under Federal drug and customs enforcement laws. The spiel on the Nimbin Mardigrass web page should only be used for amusement and entertainment purposes only! Chelloveck does not warrant nor guarantee to the accuracy or appropriateness of the information contained within the Nimbin Mardigras website. So...if you come to NSW and get busted for having or otherwise consuming Mary Jane...don't come crying to me, with a gaggle of litigation lawyers in tow. Chello has spoken!
  4. Mountainman

    Mountainman Großes Mitglied Site Supporter+++

    That's funny that you interpreted the post that way. Thinking about it, back in my high school party days I could relate to saying any of that while being high. I have great respect for people in the south but the post is a joke about their different way of thinking and not about being stoned.
    Sapper John likes this.
  5. ColtCarbine

    ColtCarbine Monkey+++ Founding Member

    That must be some good stuff down under[stoner]
    BTPost, Cephus, Sapper John and 2 others like this.
  6. Mountainman

    Mountainman Großes Mitglied Site Supporter+++

    Maybe I should start smoking again???
  7. chelloveck

    chelloveck Diabolus Causidicus

    Not all Nimbin folk are stoners...

    Sorry, about that's my error in using that particular page of that particular site. Having read the page, it kind of tickled my fancy....I have passed through the place a few times, and oddly enough in one of the arty farty places, they were selling kevlar fabric...i thought wtf! But now regret not buying a supply of it. (for purely artistic purposes of course...just an Idea I had for an aquarian hippy style bullet proof vest.)

    Perhaps this webpage may be more appropriate

    Nimbin, New South Wales - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    I never realised that Nimbin's sister city in the USA is Woodstock...though I guess it figures.
  8. Seacowboys

    Seacowboys Senior Member Founding Member

    Bruce, that is just moving "further North", you didn't start in the South, but being a Yankee, naturally you'd assume that South is just a direction and not a state of existence.
  9. Witch Doctor 01

    Witch Doctor 01 Mojo Maker

    and all this time i thought NSW meant Not Safe for Work...:D
    larryinalabama and Sapper John like this.
  10. BTPost

    BTPost Stumpy Old Fart,Deadman Walking, Snow Monkey Moderator

    Just a NOTE, Here: Should you get busted for smoking "Whacky Weed" the BATF can, and does, claim that you have LOST your 2nd Amendment Rights, and they have enforced that on Medical Users, out in Kommiefornia, as well... .....
  11. snowbyrd

    snowbyrd Latet anguis in herba

    There is somewhat of a debate here in CO, get your CCP then your 'red card' (medical pot card). One of the Q's on buying a firearm is about the use of drugs....State sayeth 'OK' the FED says it is a no no.
    Also remember Alaska has a LONG>>> growing season, HUGE lettus and cabbage.....HMMM right around 24hr growing season.

    Getting a CCP or 'red card' puts you an a list that the .gov can come back on you with..

    This ol' boy was fishin' one time and the Ranger came up and said "where is 'yo liscense boy', Don't need no liscence. "Wadda mean don't need no liscence?"
    (the fish were in his cooler)
    These here are my pet fish an' I jus' let'em out for a swim, dey come back when I whistle".
    Lemme see dat.
    OH, ah rite.
    (dumps the fish into the lake)
    DOW guy--OK, now ya'll whistle and get 'dem fishies back.

    WHAT FISH???
    chelloveck likes this.
  12. ColtCarbine

    ColtCarbine Monkey+++ Founding Member

    Yup, I know some folks that have done just that and they are in for a world of hurt when documentation is cross referenced.
  13. Seawolf1090

    Seawolf1090 Retired Curmudgeonly IT Monkey Founding Member

    Well, I have lived all my life (except beng away in the Navy) in sunny FLorida - when I retire, I am seriously thinking of going to north Georgia, or to Idaho.......
    There is still some "South"in Florida, but the danged Yankee transplants are buying iit up and planting McMansions like crazy....... [stirpot]
    Cephus likes this.
  14. larryinalabama

    larryinalabama Monkey++

    Truth is most of the USA is now mostly generic
  15. ColtCarbine

    ColtCarbine Monkey+++ Founding Member

    True but you southerners have more 6 toed relatives than we do [stirpot]
    larryinalabama and BTPost like this.
  16. BTPost

    BTPost Stumpy Old Fart,Deadman Walking, Snow Monkey Moderator

    6 Toes isn't all that bad, but those folks with the Webbed Feet, do kind of stand out.......
    ColtCarbine likes this.
  17. larryinalabama

    larryinalabama Monkey++

    Yall are closer to those Nuclear test sites.
  18. Seawolf1090

    Seawolf1090 Retired Curmudgeonly IT Monkey Founding Member

    Hey, now y'all are gettin' personal...... just don't shoot the Swamp Ape. Might be Uncle Earnest........ :D

    Or me......

    Just sayin'. [respect]
    larryinalabama likes this.
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